49 things you should under no circumstances do at UWE
And the list goes on
What a time to be alive, you haven't fucked up your relationship with your parents and have actually got into uni. A new found hope of endless fun, opportunities and freedom is handed to you in this magical move from your shitty hometown to big bad Bristol.
All of your mates have bigged up Brizzle to you for months and with much research via people's Snapchat story of their banging nights out, you are more than ready to become a fresha. However, we all make mistakes at uni, some which can be forgiven, some of which will never be forgotten.
Therefore approaching the end of this academic year comes a time of reflection, and with this comes a definitive list of all of the things you should never do whilst studying at UWE.
1. Join 'The Gym' at Broadmead
We all know you'll never go hun.
2. Wear heels to Lakota
Just please don't do it.
3. Buy a whole new wardrobe at a charity shop and claim how wavey your garms are
Omg where did you get that Adidas Original windbreaker from?
4. Go to Pam Pams and argue with UOB students
We don't care that you go to a Russel Group uni.
5. In that case, don't argue with UOB students at all, they are not worth our time
And we certainly do not care about you.
6. Order anything anything but cheesy chips and gravy from the canteen at Bower
It's just part of the routine.
7. Get a first in first year
You're not supposed to study in first year!
8. Get on the 71 without your student card
9. In fact just don't pay with change at all download that M tickets app ya dun kno
What a life and money saver.
10. Buy a UWE jumper (nobody cares that you study here)
Is buying a jumper with your uni on even still a thing?
11. Go to any other festival but Boomtown
Well you can but do you go to UWE though?
12. Get stuck in the lift at Marketgate (it’s truly traumatising)
Never have I ever felt closer to death.
13. Go to Blenheim Court
Does life even exist there?
14. Sniff ketamine to impress people
It's not big and it's not clever!!!!!!!
15. Study at Frenchay
You could be my Bower booo.
16. Ask people if they’re coming up yet
We're not all learner gurners.
17. Have one Red Stripe and think you're a BNOC
It's not even cheap anymore!!
18. Try and pull at the Black Swan
19. Or try pull at any club for that matter
People are in love with the sesh, not you.
20. Go to V Shed on a Saturday night
Are you really willing to pay £3 to get into Spoons to be a tragedy case.
21. Arrive late to your lecture
Thank you for that disruption hun.
22. Interrupt everybody in a group discussion
Stop tryna steal my limelight.
23. Rent out student accommodation on Filton Avenue
Where's that again lol ??
24. Don’t put garlic bread in the oven after a night out and fall asleep
Recipe for disaster.
25. Tell people that you go to UWE
Tbf it's better than saying you go to UOB.
26. Sell your leftover pill on a night out cos you’re too fucked and then proceed to tell people you’ve dealt
Tragic AND illegal.
27. Make friends with every random person on nights out and tell them you’ll go for coffee – it will never happen
No elaboration needed.
28. Live on Frenchay Campus and never actually come in to Bristol city centre.
What’s the point of even going to UWE?
29. Be one of those irritating students chatting shit in the library making sure everyone hears your conversation
Jenny, we don't care if your boyfriend is ignoring you.
30. Go to the Apple and don’t take your student card
31. Go to Blue Mountain and spend your whole night on the sofa
32. Smoke too much weed on a hot day in Castle Park and whitey in front of your mates
Happens to the best of us.
33. Be THAT person asking everybody in sight outside a club for a fag (although we have all done this)
"Please I'll give you a pound!"
34. Go through your whole uni experience without trying one of the roasts from Frenchay
They’re surprisingly good.
35. Go to SU nights at Frenchay more than once
If you're not going for the irony then what are you SAYING.
36. Get involved with a rugby boy
You will inevitably get fucked over.
37. Think you’re an environmentalist after living in Bristol and being vegan for a month
OMG do you vote Green as well?
38. Venture down crack alley
Unless it's for a piss.
39. Diss the Bear Pit
It's a cultural hub yah.
40. Don’t live anywhere that isn’t Gloucester Road in second year
Unless you wanna be living in a sad, desolate place.
41. Paying with a tenner on the UWE express
Just don't do it.
42. Pull an all-nighter in the Frenchay library
It's just a bit grim.
43. Walk through St. Pauls alone at night
STAY SAFE PPL.
44. Eat those jumbo rollover hot dogs from the SU shop
(Definitely not real sausages).
45. Hog a load of books from the library that you know your course mates will need access to
It is just selfish Tom.
46. Admit you went to public school
Oh Daddy has a yacht?
47. Vote Tory
Do you want any m8s?
48. Live in Clifton and pretend you're something you're not
We can see right through the lies.
49. Talk about your gap yar
Omg you went to South East Asia? No way!