49 things you should under no circumstances do at UWE

And the list goes on

What a time to be alive, you haven't fucked up your relationship with your parents and have actually got into uni. A new found hope of endless fun, opportunities and freedom is handed to you in this magical move from your shitty hometown to big bad Bristol.

All of your mates have bigged up Brizzle to you for months and with much research via people's Snapchat story of their banging nights out, you are more than ready to become a fresha. However, we all make mistakes at uni, some which can be forgiven, some of which will never be forgotten.

Therefore approaching the end of this academic year comes a time of reflection, and with this comes a definitive list of all of the things you should never do whilst studying at UWE.

1. Join 'The Gym' at Broadmead

We all know you'll never go hun.

2. Wear heels to Lakota

Just please don't do it.

3. Buy a whole new wardrobe at a charity shop and claim how wavey your garms are

Omg where did you get that Adidas Original windbreaker from?

4. Go to Pam Pams and argue with UOB students

We don't care that you go to a Russel Group uni.

5. In that case, don't argue with UOB students at all, they are not worth our time

And we certainly do not care about you.

6. Order anything anything but cheesy chips and gravy from the canteen at Bower

It's just part of the routine.

7. Get a first in first year

You're not supposed to study in first year!

8. Get on the 71 without your student card

Danger zone.

9. In fact just don't pay with change at all download that M tickets app ya dun kno

What a life and money saver.

10. Buy a UWE jumper (nobody cares that you study here)

Is buying a jumper with your uni on even still a thing?

11. Go to any other festival but Boomtown

Well you can but do you go to UWE though?

12. Get stuck in the lift at Marketgate (it’s truly traumatising)

Never have I ever felt closer to death.

13. Go to Blenheim Court

Does life even exist there?

14. Sniff ketamine to impress people

It's not big and it's not clever!!!!!!!

15. Study at Frenchay

You could be my Bower booo.

16. Ask people if they’re coming up yet

We're not all learner gurners.

17. Have one Red Stripe and think you're a BNOC

It's not even cheap anymore!!

18. Try and pull at the Black Swan

Good luck!

19. Or try pull at any club for that matter

People are in love with the sesh, not you.

20. Go to V Shed on a Saturday night

Are you really willing to pay £3 to get into Spoons to be a tragedy case.

21. Arrive late to your lecture

Thank you for that disruption hun.

22. Interrupt everybody in a group discussion

Stop tryna steal my limelight.

23. Rent out student accommodation on Filton Avenue

Where's that again lol ??

24. Don’t put garlic bread in the oven after a night out and fall asleep

Recipe for disaster.

25. Tell people that you go to UWE

Tbf it's better than saying you go to UOB.

26. Sell your leftover pill on a night out cos you’re too fucked and then proceed to tell people you’ve dealt

Tragic AND illegal.

27. Make friends with every random person on nights out and tell them you’ll go for coffee – it will never happen

No elaboration needed.

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All ur new mates

28. Live on Frenchay Campus and never actually come in to Bristol city centre.

What’s the point of even going to UWE?

29. Be one of those irritating students chatting shit in the library making sure everyone hears your conversation

Jenny, we don't care if your boyfriend is ignoring you.

30. Go to the Apple and don’t take your student card

Schoolboy error.

31. Go to Blue Mountain and spend your whole night on the sofa

Easily done.

32. Smoke too much weed on a hot day in Castle Park and whitey in front of your mates

Happens to the best of us.

33. Be THAT person asking everybody in sight outside a club for a fag (although we have all done this)

"Please I'll give you a pound!"

34. Go through your whole uni experience without trying one of the roasts from Frenchay

They’re surprisingly good.

35. Go to SU nights at Frenchay more than once

If you're not going for the irony then what are you SAYING.

36. Get involved with a rugby boy

You will inevitably get fucked over.

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They will ruin your life

37. Think you’re an environmentalist after living in Bristol and being vegan for a month

OMG do you vote Green as well?

38. Venture down crack alley

Unless it's for a piss.

39. Diss the Bear Pit

It's a cultural hub yah.

40. Don’t live anywhere that isn’t Gloucester Road in second year

Unless you wanna be living in a sad, desolate place.

41. Paying with a tenner on the UWE express

Just don't do it.

42. Pull an all-nighter in the Frenchay library

It's just a bit grim.

43. Walk through St. Pauls alone at night


44. Eat those jumbo rollover hot dogs from the SU shop

(Definitely not real sausages).

45. Hog a load of books from the library that you know your course mates will need access to

It is just selfish Tom.

46. Admit you went to public school

Oh Daddy has a yacht?

47. Vote Tory

Do you want any m8s?

48. Live in Clifton and pretend you're something you're not

We can see right through the lies.

49. Talk about your gap yar

Omg you went to South East Asia? No way!