The stereotypes of every club you’ll go to in Bristol

Bristol is famed for it’s eclectic mix of venues and its night life is some of the best in the UK. From grimy venues like Basement 45, to the ostentatious Pam Pam, there’s a club for everyone here and with each place, there are some inevitable stereotypes that go with them.

SWX

This sprawling superclub is always packed to the rafters, filled with irate boys and bitchy girls all ‘looking for love’. Picture that scene in Mean Girls, where Cady compares ‘girl world’ to the ‘animal world’, leaping onto Regina for stealing the guy she likes. Times that by ten and you have SWX. Expect bodycon dresses, white jeans, social smokers, fake eyelashes, freshers and a whole load of drama.

Pam Pam

The immaculate cousin of SWX. The people at Pam’s think they’re better than everyone else because they’ve paid £8 entry and have to adhere to a strict dress code. In reality, they’re being mugged off royally; the club is tiny, it’s packed with creepy older businessmen and the place is so full of itself they have a private member’s area, cut off from the rest of the club. Girls – sling on seven layers of foundation and a Kylie Jenner lip kit. Guys – the t-shirt and blazer combo will probably do. The expression, ‘fur coat, no knickers’ comes to mind as when it comes down to it, your shoes may be shined and your highlight ‘on fleek’, but you’re still here for a shag.

Thekla

Thekla is a club on a boat, something nobody seems to be able to get over. When the DJ drops Lonely Island’s, ‘I’m on a Boat’, the crowd inevitably goes wild, despite the fact the song is played EVERY single time. If you like sticky floors, steep staircases and a large smoking area, this is the place for you. Thekla attracts a far more ‘indie’ crowd. Think 18-year-olds who’ve watched too many episodes of Skins, and now think they’re Effy. So expect lots of flannel shirts, girls with pink hair and fringes cut just above their eyebrows, pierced faces, shit tattoos and a tonne of first years.

PRYZM

Reserved for the middle-aged and totally lost, going to a chain like PRYZM when you have so many other great independent venues in the city borders on blasphemous and you’ll have a tough time convincing anyone otherwise. Every girl has the same story about falling down the stairs there, and every guy has tried and failed to pull, meaning most haven’t been back since Fresher’s Week. Don a few wrinkles, get out the penis shaped paraphernalia and a sash saying ‘bride to be’ and you’re good to go.

Basement 45

This intimate venue is great if you love drum and bass, not so great if you care about looking good. This is not the club for you if you’re out on the pull, the walls are slick with condensation and the music is so deafening you wont get a word in edgeways. This lot are here to party hard, Thatchers in one hand, rollie in the other. This is BIMM student central, with sports brands, flat caps and nose rings. Tell everyone you’re a DJ that only plays ‘drumfunk’ and watch as the invites to subpar student organised nights come rolling in.

Timbuk 2

An underground maze filled with narrow rooms and staircases, houses some of the ‘edgiest’ folk around. Typically, another BIMM favourite, this place is for the techno addicted and the hipster at heart. Not a lot of people know (or care) about Timbuk 2, its so small and inconspicuous from the outside that most people assume it’s a restaurant or something, which is arguably what makes it so alluring to the hipsters of Bristol. Tie your Ellesse jumper over your shoulder, turn your flatcap the other way round and get a septum piercing.

Motion

World famous and well-renowned, this cavernous club hosts some of the biggest DJ’s, the most expensive nights and a varied clientele. With every event being ticketed, if you don’t buy yours on release date you might be looking at paying £40 to some random off the Freshers page, when the original price was only a tenner. The drinks prices here are also ridiculous, however most people that come to Motion are already so mashed getting anything other than tap water is a very rare occurrence. Smear copious amounts of glitter on your face and grab the bumbag you got travelling on your gap yah and stuff it full of lollypops and chewing gum.

Lakota

The crown jewel in Stokes Croft, a great club if you’re into jungle, drum and bass and every other alternative genre of music that Bristol is famed for. With several rooms and floors, this is one of the biggest alternative nights, meaning it can attract a crusty or two. Students flock to Lakota and all of them are so smug in their belief that only THEY are cool enough to come here. Buy a £35 ‘vintage’ windbreaker from a Clifton village charity shop, crack out your new pair of Fila’s and expect to see bindis, harem pants, a Red Stripe in every hand and white people with dreadlocks.

Blue Mountain

Recently refurbished, this place has a reputation for being a filthy night out for everyone. Situated within easy walking distance from the centre, Blue Mountain is the little brother to the far larger Lakota just up the road. It hosts some of the grimiest nights Bristol has to offer, so this is not the place for the faint at heart. If you don’t want to venture through the ‘Bear Pit’ and you want to get dressed up, I’d stick to SWX. The people here are Bristol nightlife veterans, to get along here you need to perfect your blasé attitude and spend a good 2 hours selecting the perfect top from Urban Outfitters.

Credit: OP Film & Photography

Mbargos

A guilty pleasure for many, Mbargos is a great second choice for when you can’t get into Pam’s because you’ve got trainers on. Playing some of the cheesiest chart music around, this cosy venue can get packed very quickly and if you’re unfortunate enough not to be in possession of boobs, I’d get down early or the bouncers wont let you in as there are ‘too many fellas’. Packed with everyone who couldn’t get in somewhere else, expect to see a lot of extremely drunk people who have used the saved £8 from their Pam’s entry to buy themselves three rounds of Jaëgerbombs.

O2 Academy

Ramshackle on a Friday is frequently one of the most packed nights of the week, you can’t move without grinding up against someone and often this is more than intentional. If groping isn’t your thing, steer clear of Rams. If it is, go wild, you’re bound to find someone to take home in this sweaty mess of a venue. This is where the regular SWXers go for something a bit different so expect to see the whole of UWE’s student village in one room.

Featured image courtesy of OP Film & Photography.