I ate shrooms instead of steak for Valentine’s Day

Maybe you didn’t have the best Valentines Day this year, maybe you’re single and hung up about it, maybe you just don’t give a shit about the over commercialised, overly cheesy day of the year. However if this year wasn’t all you wanted to, next year, get your friends together and forget about relationships – your friends love you the most, right? And even more so on Mushrooms.

taste like mud, make you feel like the sun

Having a good Valentine’s Day whether you’re single, in a relationship, or not really sure what’s going on can be cheap, fun and a perfect excuse to spend the evening cosied inside with ya loves ones. Dates are overrated, even if it’s with someone you know, and on Valentines it’s especially bad, everywhere is busy and couples do judge each other.

Valentine’s isn’t about having a significant other to spoil with chocolate and gifts, though if you’re lucky enough to receive these things you’re obviously doing something right.

Valentine’s is all about love (no matter how  it’s become) so I decided to spend the night with three of my best friends and a hell of a lot of shrooms, because what could make you feel more valentines than feeling pure love for everyone and everything?

To spice things up a little bit, we decided to have a bit of a mixing session. We had literally both wolfed down an entire handful of shrooms whilst simultaneously trying not to gag or throw up (seriously, they’re bad). I was first to start mixing and I thought I was doing pretty ok, I was beat matching fine, it sounded good, it was smooth. Ten minutes into my mini mix and the shrooms hit me like a turn of bricks.

The beautiful coloured waveform bar became completely incomprehensible, it was flashing different colours and little beads of light were dripping of the end of the wave spikes. I tried for a bit longer but in the end gave up due to the fact that laughter was taking over my life and I couldn’t stop falling over.

The next DJ had better luck, he was much better than me, and they hadn’t even hit me that hard yet. 10 points for effort to him.

Half way through our trip the sudden realisation we had run out of baki hit us like a ton of bricks. This meant only two options: we either go without baki all night (unlikely) or we attempt to make it to the shop. We went for the second option.

Sainsburys was only a five minute walk away, but the distance and the cold made it seem like we were trekking a mountain. The floor was glistening, there was a hazy rainbow between the street lights and the bricks on the houses looked like they were made of play doh.

Walking into Sainsbury’s I thought there were two doors so I stopped briefly only to realise that the first clear sheet I thought was a door was actually just my imagination. A man followed me around for a bit rather curious as to why i was giggling so much. As I laughed my way around the shop a bottle of wine fell into possession and with that I went to the checkout to try and buy baki.

I asked the cashier for 12.5 of baki and he asked me if I wanted any in particular.

God I have no idea – brands, hmm… they’re all yellow. I’m staring at him like a lost lamb, I’ve done this hundreds of times, I end up just blurting “the cheapest one” so he suggests Cutters Choice because it’s a safe option, apparently.

He was of sober mind so I decided he must be right. The cashier laughed at me a lot rather than with me, especially when I tried to pay with a contactless card on a non contactless machine three times. He told me I’d made his Valentine’s that little bit more interesting so with that I left Sainsbury’s with wine, baki and little dignity.

Back at the house the love birds were still at the house – more for the fact that watching us mess up everything and do everything wrong was more fun than anything on TV. The rest of the evening consisted of taking forever to do anything, 20 minute trips to the bathroom because the journey there and back was so fascinating and falling off the bed/spilling wine and trying to not ruin all the tech around us.

We watched Electric Sheep Twice – basically just a 3 hour long video of trippy shit. It’s all about visuals and should anyone want to try shrooms, you should do it somewhere with your best friends, in a cosy atmosphere and put this video on. It’s the best.

It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it sure was alternative, spontaneous and lovely way to spend valentines. We also came across a top tip, pile nachos with salsa, guac and sour cream to try and mask that vile flavour and have a drink in hand ready to wash down the retched taste, preferable sparking rose wine, goes don a treat.

Definitely an alternative Valentines Day to try.