Which big bag of cans is your uni?

There are few things in the student world that don’t revolve around consuming tinnies. There’s always an excuse for them and they can be relied upon whenever university just gets too hard or too fun.

But which do you prefer, and which compliments your uni the most?

Leeds – K Cider

This is an honourable title. Leeds has just enough Northern grit to warrant the strength of K, needing the alcohol content to keep them warm, as well as the edginess to pull off arriving at a party with just a four pack. Then, of course it shares its name with another Leeds favourite.

Birmingham – Stella

A little rough around the edges but classy and respectable at their respected cores, Birmingham and Stella go hand in hand. Carrying a can of wife beater gives the impression of being able to handle yourself, so locals don’t cause too much of a problem. But in reality, Birmingham students are just as afraid of their natives as we are of ours, and Stella acts as the perfect cover up.

Wavey garms need a wavey lager

Bristol – Amstel

A warm day in Clifton would not be complete without a pint of Amstel. Bristol students can party with an Amstel in hand but they also understand the finer things in life. Amstel comes into its own here, at home in the hand of a sweaty bloke in an Adidas jacket as much as on the outside table at Browns at the end of an exam. Amstel is Bristol university in spirit.

Cardiff – Frosty Jacks

Anyone who needs to deal with the horrific Welsh weather needs to have something strong to fall back on. This is where Frosty Jacks comes in. How would anyone survive the horrific journey from University Halls to the SU without being at least six cans down? This drink is the beating heart of Cardiff uni and safeguards students from the horrors of Cardiff life.

Durham- Guinness

Much like Durham, Guinness is kept for sentimentality. No one really drinks it, or wants it there, but it would be really weird if a bar didn’t have it on tap. Similarly, it’s pretty expensive, so the Durham clientèle would be among the few student bodies to drink it. Like Durham, Guinness still crops up everywhere, wishing it could have the prestige of other tinnies but having to stick to its roots. Like Durham students, pints of Guinness usually get too little head.

Bath – Kronenbourg

Bath is family friendly, it’s refined: similar to how you could show your parents around the city and have a lovely day, you could buy your dad a pint of Kronenbourg, and he’d probably be happy. Kronenbourg is a safe option, it’s acceptable to the wider world. This is precisely why it encapsulates Bath. No one needs to worry about what their placement managers will see on their Facebook here.

Exeter – Desperados

Much akin to Exeter University, Desperados is trying really hard to be cool. Exeter, in the middle of nowhere, wishes it was Bristol, Leeds or Manchester, but will sadly never get there, as its students are stuck egging and bolting like 16 year olds. Desperados is trying so hard to be edgy that its deranged creators have added tequila in a vain attempt to make it taste good. Both the beer and the university have failed in their attempt to be cool, so best of luck to them next time. It’s just lucky that Exeter isn’t a shithole like Plymouth.

Brookes – Budweiser

A great lager that’s fairly expensive and is the bread to the butter that is sporting events. Like you it’s been chucked across Bridge hundreds of times and is a true part of Oxford life. However it can’t escape the shadow of it’s older, more expensive relative: Budvar.

Liverpool – Carling

When outsiders think of Liverpool they think of everything that matters most to England: football, fake tan and getting smashed. This is why Carling, the most English lager there is, encapsulates Liverpool. Any Liverpool student understands that to survive a night at Brooklyn Mixer (RIP) one needs to be completely gone, and Carling is the perfect can to get you there.

Manchester – Fosters

Manchester can big itself up as much as it likes, but we all know you guys just want to get messed up like the rest of us. This is why it so closely resembles Fosters, with its ad campaign of barbecues and beach volleyball making it look relaxed and slightly refined, but in reality you’ll find the students of Manchester getting down at Fifth each week, followed by a kebab and a shouting match with an inferior Whatsapp group.

Newcastle- Special Brew

In a city that serves triples that’s practically within the Arctic Circle students need something hardy to survive the long nights, as well as to loosen them up enough for a night at Swingers. Special Brew comes into its own here, with enough Danish strength to overcome inhibitions and sub-zero temperatures, making it the perfect tinny with which to define Newcastle.

Nottingham – John Smiths

Like Nottingham, no one really knows what John Smiths is. Ask someone to point to Nottingham on a map and they’ll be lost in the haze that is the Midlands. This is much akin to John Smiths: is it an ale? Is it a shit lager? There’s just no way of telling.

Oxford – Heineken

Expensive and rather classy as you’re probably privately educated, Oxford can be summed up with Heineken. This, however, doesn’t mean you don’t have fun- although pretty refined Heineken can fuel some seriously riotous nights in Bridge: let’s just say it’s probably served at the Bullingdon summer barbecue.

Plymouth – Carlsberg

Before you went to Plymouth you probably imagined drinking cold beers on the beach during summertime, carefree, lying in the sun and having the time of your life. But when you got there, you realised you were in just another shit coastal city, it’s cold and the beaches are a dump. A can of Carlsberg is the sign of your upsetting conditions, it symbolises the crap city by tasting like shit and being dirt cheap.

UWE – Red Stripe

UWE, like Red Stripe, is cheap and cheerful. Like the famously edgy Poly, the Jamaican lager is an import to Bristolian culture, it’s synonymous with Bristol’s incredible nightlife and a huge part of the city. What would underground music be without cans of warm Red Stripe? And where would Wide Eyes be without the life blood that is UWE students?

UCL – Craft Beer

UCL is indicative of British traditions moving into the modern world, and this is why it is perfectly paired with craft beer. Craft beer is stylish, it’s hipster and it’s popping up all over the capital, much like UCL students on their colourful, one-gear bikes by day and their UberLUX by night. Of course craft brews are vile and a hideous mistake, but even UCL goes wrong sometimes.

York – Hoegaarden

With a good amount of intellectual body but not enough to weigh them down York is represented wonderfully by Hoegaarden. You would never drink it in Kuda, but at York students realise there’s more to life than clubbing (lol). Hoegaarden is a perfect accompaniment for ambling through York’s winding streets, a picture of the York student.