This guy got the quadratic formula tattooed on his bum

Compared to Cheryl Fernandez-Versini’s arse of thorns, it’s a minimalist triumph.

There’s no way he’ll regret this

Having flunked his Maths AS Level two years in a row, Rory Kirkman told his friends he’d get the quadratic formula tattooed on his rear end if he failed to get at least a B at the third time of asking.

“After two years of sitting Maths AS, I had only obtained a U and a D. I wanted a lot better, so I decided to re-sit for a third year.

“This meant I was 19 in a class with 16 year olds…I made a bet that I would get a B grade or I would get the quadratic formula tattooed to my arse.

“It was meant to motivate me, but all my mates decided to hold me to it.”

Is it too late to change my mind?

Given the high stakes, Rory was understandably nervous when results day came around. Surrounded by children younger, smaller and less foolish than him, Rory went into college to get his results.

“It was a day of mixed emotions. I’d just learned that I’d got into my first choice of uni when someone reminded me about the bet.

“In the end, I missed out on a B by three marks…and the rest is history.”

“Strangely enough, the only thing that went through my mind was how funny the situation was. Even when at the tattoo parlour, I never thought of backing out!”

Unsurprisingly the tattoo artist asked to give Rory his extra-special arse art was a little perplexed by the request.

“He said this was the first time he’d been asked to do a totally unique tattoo for quite a while.

“Apparently he tells his wife funny stories from work each day, and this was up there with the best of them.”

He is way too happy to be doing this tattoo

After arriving at uni, it didn’t take long for word to spread and for Rory to become a cult figure on campus.

“At the SU some people recognise me and run up pointing and screaming for me to show them my arse. It’s mostly inebriated girls looking for something to lean on.

“It’s not even mildly awkward, I show it to them and everyone loves it!

“I’ve even got a few phone numbers because of it.”

As for the friends from home he made the initial bet with, he let them all know by posting a picture of the freshly-done tattoo in their group chat thread. The response?

“This is fucking incredible. No way did you go through with that! I will never doubt you again.

“When your parents find out, your life is over.”

Understandably, Rory has decided to keep his parents in the dark for as long as possible, as he knows he’s in for a right earful when they do discover what he’s done to himself. Let’s hope his parents don’t read The Tab then.