How not to behave in the library

Around this time of year, the library becomes a second home for many of us, and for a short period of time, seems a worthwhile resource for us to have paid for with our horribly expensive tuition.

Full to the brim with ambitious students striving to cram their curious and studious brains with enough knowledge to achieve that coveted first class degree, the library is a haven. Or so you’d think.

Instead, what you often see upon passing through those security barriers (which never quite work), is nothing short of a human zoo. Books are thrown about like animal shit and students fight over computers like hyenas scrapping for the last meal of the day, all while a hapless zoo keeper (librarian) attempts to restore order.

Here’s our rundown of the most offensive characters you’re likely to find in the library.

Space-takers

The space:person ratio is an unwritten library rule, and one all library-goers should be aware of. However, more often than not, group working spaces are occupied by an irritatingly common species; the space taker.

Why it is deemed necessary to spread the A4 contents of one notepad across a 5x5ft table has perplexed many an onlooker.

Do you really need all that space?

Loud eaters

The student diet at this time of year shifts to one centred around caffeine, fat, and sugar in order to sustain energy throughout this stressful period.

Your typical meal deal consists of a pack of crisps, a fizzy drink, and a sandwich, a concoction of food which, upon opening and consuming, is unfortunately extremely noisy.

To add to the annoyance, most grazers seem to overlook the simple function of a bin once they have finished chowing down on their £3.50 dinner.

Nightwear wearers

Sorry, have you confused where you are with your bedroom? Or are you having a slumber party with the other pyjama laden slackers who have infested the library?

PJs, dressing gowns and – of course – slippers are the chosen attire of many, presumably due to their comfort rather than any sense of professionalism they give off.

This choice of apparel is often accompanied by trivial chatter about this week’s episode of ‘Made In Chelsea’ and continual giggling as to how amusing and unruly it is to be dressed in such a manner. In the library?! You rebel, you.

Big screen abusers

A well-equipped university libraries will usually provide its occupants with widescreen monitors in particular rooms, to be used for intensive group work sessions. However, chances are they’ll never be used for anything remotely work-related.

Instead, grab some pick ‘n’ mix or popcorn and pull up a chair to watch a wild assortment of ‘Funniest Fails’ and other YouTube nonsense which will keep the group, and indeed anyone within the vicinity, pre-occupied for hours.

It’s surprising how often you can watch a girl getting hit with a spade before you get bored and decide to start working again.

Hard at work I take it?

Bogey players

Remember how funny Dick and Dom were? You remember, the ones with huge stickers of their own faces, who gave the world ‘creamy muck-muck’ and of course, the immortal ‘bogeys’?

If you don’t remember, that’s probably because you’re a normal person who realises that Dick and Dom were never funny, not then and especially not now.

Unfortunately, Dick and Dom are seemingly still very much alive in the library, sniggering as they attempt to out-do each other by shouting the loudest, thereby claiming a trophy for having the lowest IQ on campus.

Disease carriers

Whatever you do, DO NOT go near this person. If you are this person, go home and stay the fuck away from the library.

A ceaseless stream of sniffing, sneezing, and undeserved self-sorrow, this walking virus threatens to derail your own studying but they still want your sympathy in return.

What they need instead though, is a good slap in the face and a stern word telling them to either visit a doctor or die quietly.

Two screen wankers

Why do some students deem it necessary to bring in their laptop to study, and then sit directly in front of a computer which they’re not going to use?

Sure, it might be hard to find a seat in the library, but do these obnoxious and oblivious people not realise they’re preventing fellow learners from using the computer they’re sat at?

Probably not, because they’re too busy staring into the eyes of their shiny Mac Book Pro their mother bought them.

Everyone who sees you doing this thinks you’re a twat

Invisible people

A bag, some books, a laptop, even a phone. Somebody must be working here. You wait and you wait, yet nobody appears.

Apparently this person neither values their personal possessions, nor has any regard for other people who may want to use the space they are so willingly wasting, as the only time they spend in the library is setting up and packing away their belongings.

The rest: fag breaks, lunch breaks, coffee breaks and any other type of break they can invent.

Which type of library pest is the worst? Let us know in the comments below.