Beware The Tinderpocalypse

Somehow, Facebook has taken over the world. This is fantastic for passive aggressive statuses addressed to nobody. There is a constant flow of baby photos from that girl I met once at a house party, who uses the site so much I can’t delete her for fear of her noticing my disappearance from the inventory of friends she likely takes. When Spotted became a thing that people do, I took a long sip of beer and resigned myself to the fact that society was at the lowest point it could go. If only I knew…

I started noticing people using the word Tinder, and for fear of being ostracised, I felt obliged to find out more about it.

I spoke to my flatmates, and they let me know it was a site for ‘hooking up’. My first thought was to the walking yeast factories that must infest the site, my second thought consisted mostly of despair.

He’s clearly got his hook up

I couldn’t believe it was a real app. My first attempt at finding out information about it was pretty unsuccessful, in light of recent trends I assumed it would be called Tindr, and was disappointed to find that that was a software outsourcing company.

The disappointment of not finding it wore off quickly, and I had the hopeful thought that maybe my flatmates were just having me on – which again, turned out to be wrong.

Would you spoon this chap?

For the uninformed, Tinder basically allows users to view a selection of profiles from people in their area. If, after viewing up five photographs of one another, they both give a “thumbs-up”, then the app allows them to communicate through a chat-style interface. Now this is the part where everybody is probably going to tell me how wrong I am.

British Prime Minister 2020-2030

I haven’t used the site myself, and don’t plan to, and I honestly hope people let me know that it is all an ironic joke. I am sure a lot of the users are on there to be ironic, or to see the circus that probably makes up the usership. I would be perfectly happy with that, if it weren’t for the fact that they are giving the app publicity, and the more joke profiles that are created, the more real profiles will be created. Even in writing this article, I fear that I may be turning new users over to the app.

Pretty sure this is from a deodorant advert…

After the systematic breakdown of needing to communicate in person to remain friends with someone, even the romantic endeavour of courting has become outdated; who needs to chat a girl up if there are hundreds of others willing to put out with no effort involved. The bright side might be that if someone makes the effort to ask you on a date, they might have more in mind than that one thing.

If you really feel like you need to see the freak show, there’s a page on Facebook dedicated to Tinder’s Biggest Wankers – the lesser of two evils.

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