What it’s like being gender-neutral at uni

Going to uni is a big, life-changing experience. You’re moving to a new part of the country, having to make new friends and start a whole new life. It’s tough for everyone, but what about those who don’t identify as either male or female, the gender-neutral? Nobody knows who we are or how to deal with us. And it sucks.

Despite what biology lecturers might say about genitalia and chromosomes, there are more genders than just male and female. In fact, there’s a whole spectrum from agender to bigender. When I first meet someone, and I tell them I am gender-neutral, they look at me like I’m on some sort of hallucinogenic substance, but all it means is that I do not feel comfortable identifying as male or female.

But no-one knows how to deal with this information. Which, more often than not, leads people at uni to ostracise people like me, even if they don’t mean to.

Some days I feel more masculine than others

A classic example is toilets. Which bathroom am I supposed to use when I’m not a boy, and I’m not a girl? I can’t use the disabled toilets, because I’m not disabled, and my gender is not a disability. We all have to pee, and we all deserve to pee in a safe space. Gender-neutral toilets are so hard to come by, I find myself celebrating when I do find one.

Not everywhere is as accepting as Bristol

Some gender-neutral people prefer neutral pronouns such as “they” or “them” but it’s a struggle because everybody else seems so reluctant to learn how to use anything other than “he” or “she”.  When you go up to a dog in the street and say to its owner “Aww he’s so cute” and the owner replies “Actually, it’s a she” you’d have no problem correcting yourselves, so why not do that with people, and why not add a neutral pronoun to your list?

In fact, gender-neutral people are excluded from most day to day things at uni, the simple act of buying uni stash at the SU or going to a student sale at a high street shop is a problem, because clothes are far too often branded as “male”or “female” which leaves us spending too much time sifting through the rails for the most unisex items. Fabric does not have genitals, so we need  move on from the notion that skirts are for women, and suits are for men.

Another challenge when you’re gender-neutral at uni is menus on online forms. How can you do mundane things like registering for your course if you have to answer if you’re male or female and don’t feel like either?

Some gender-neutral people like me use the neutral title Mx instead of Mr, Mrs or Miss, but most companies have never heard of this. Most people have never heard of this. The amount of times at uni my ID has been rejected by bouncers because of my title is unreal.

no-one knows how to react when they see my ID

I’m not the only one at uni to feel like this.Tom, a second year at Trent said: “If I want to change my gender expression to look more androgynous or wear leggings or make-up, I feel I would get called out on it and be hassled for it. So that part of me is sometimes cast aside because I don’t want to have to struggle.”

My friends have told me stories of complete strangers butting into their private conversations to ask them personal and ignorant questions leaving them feeling shitty for ages afterwards.

Uni is a daunting change for everyone, but when you’re a minority, it can be a whole lot tougher. We don’t need the extra hassle of being invisible.