Finding pootopia: The ultimate guide for when you’re caught short on campus

We’ve all been there, walking between lectures, hanging out in the SU, or getting work done in the library when it all of a sudden happens, you can’t keep it in any longer and you’ve just gotta go.

You need help, but you don’t have the time to research the best toilets to have a poo in at uni, without getting caught.

There are obvious pointers before you go in search of pootopia.

Always put bog roll down first. Doing this saves you the embarrassment of someone else hearing the plop as your poo hits the water

If there is anyone else in the toilets with you, wait for them to start using the hand dryer, so if any unwanted noises leak out you don’t have to worry about them hearing.

Don’t be that person who sits in the toilet for ten minutes waiting for everyone to leave, it’s obvious what your doing.

Try to go during lectures, the toilets are usually very quiet then as everyone is studying away.

But remember – everyone does it there is no need to be embarrassed by this bodily function. Honestly, do you care if you hear somebody else pooping?

Down Stairs SU Toilets

During the day no one ever ventures down stairs in the SU, unless your buying your ocean ticket. So make the most of this, these toilets are nearly always empty and so you can poo in relaxation without the worry that someone may be the victim of your smelly deposit.

Toilets on the bottom floor of Boots library

Both the ladies and the gents are like a Tardis,  so no need to worry about having someone sitting right next to you while you poo. Just pick the toilet furthest away from anyone else.

The disabled toilets next to the SU gym changing rooms

Although using the disabled toilet is a risky move because everyone knows what the able bodied person who is wondering in there is going to be doing. But there is a shower if you’ve run out of toilet paper.

Third floor of the library toilets by the back lifts

If you want privacy, this one is the one for you. There is never anyone in there so you can poo in peace.

But at the end of the day, there’s no better place to empty your bowels than the comfort of your own home.