Is Adam Tickell a bad boy? The all-important questions raised from the contents of his bin

This weekend, Sussex students and members of staff alike spent their time analysing the contents of Adam Tickell’s bin. Understandably, this isn’t something we would typically find so interesting however you have to reap what enjoyment you can out of a global pandemic. On a random Sunday afternoon, our Vice Chancellor posted this picture on Instagram and I’ve never been more obsessed with anything before.

He captioned it: “The sweet smell of #Sauvage now stinks and I’ve thrown my remaining bottle away. #Dior.” This, we can only assume, is in reference to the face of Dior Sauvage, Johnny Depp, being found guilty for abusing ex-partner Amber Heard. Unless Tickell actually has lost his sense of smell due to Covid and just can’t stand Sauvage anymore. #savage

With a whopping great 13 likes on this post, we decided to dissect the contents of his bin for no justifiable reason at all.

Dior Sauvage is like the evolved Lynx Africa fuck boy

Our university Vice Chancellor, Professor Adam Tickell, smells like Dior Sauvage. Yes, you read that right. Adam Tickell smells like a fuck boy and I can’t get over it. Dior Sauvage is notoriously known for being a ‘bad boy’ smell, in fact, in 2018 Reddit named it as the biggest ‘fuccboi fragrance’ of the year. Basenotes thread commenters have described the men who wear the fragrance as ‘panty droppers’.

One commenter disagreed with the ‘panty dropper’ notion, they proposed an ulterior argument – perhaps more suited to Tickell too. They commented: “I think the general idea of “bad boy” is if you’re a father, it’s the guy you don’t want your daughter hanging around with. They’re dark, mysterious, doesn’t follow the rules. I think women who want the bad boys tend to think there’s that inner good guy inside that outer bad boy. I actually don’t think a bad boy frag is synonymous with panty dropper. I think it’s a dark, mysterious, non-commonplace fragrance. Edgy is another word. Perhaps volatile, unpredictable.”

Adam has a six pack

Bad boys are streotpyically ripped and have great six packs. However, in Adam’s case he has a six pack of Diet Coke. The man clearly has a sweet tooth, we can’t blame him. What we want to know is: why so many cans? Is this what he consumes in one working week? One working day? Is he drinking any water?

He could be a potential smoker

We don’t want to assume anything but there’s a suspicious looking small white tube in the bin. Either Adam is a smoker or he loves sipping on his six Diet Coke’s with an amusingly small straw.

If he does smoke then I am surprised it’s rollies. He looks like a Marlboro Gold straights guy, not a baccy in a packet kind of guy.

The bubblewrap isn’t sexy but it could be

Not that I want to be that type of person but you can’t actually recycle bubble wrap with household recyclables like cans. It’s not very good for the environment. But let’s put Adam destroying our planet aside, what was in the bubble wrap? Was it a Diet Coke collectable can? A sex  toy? A miniature build of Sussex University’s campus that he has placed on his mantlepiece at home? Maybe it was a figurine of a neo-liberal beast.

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