The Ghosting Diaries: Why people Ghost, How it feels and How to Deal with it

Have you ever felt like you haven’t had appropriate closure or given that same closure to someone?

That’s probably because you’ve been Ghosted\have ghosted yourself.

Ghosting can take many forms. In its extreme forms it’s when someone drops off from the face of the earth without a phone call or a text. It can be someone you’re dating, a friend distancing themselves abruptly or could even be when you ask someone out. Partly, we could attribute it to the rise of internet culture but really, it’s because we’re not as sensitive as we think we are, being unwilling to ‘waste’ ones precious time giving closure to someone when not interested.

We asked and here are some ghost victims and the ghosts themselves sharing their stories

Ghosting without realising it

“When guys asked me out through Instagram dm’s or text and didn’t know I was in a relationship I didn’t actually think of letting them know. I’d just go on autopilot and ghost. It wasn’t personal, most of them I’d like to go out with, now that I’m single. Looking back, I wish I was less of a b****” -Mary

Ghosted by someone I met from online dating

“I had gone out three times a week with an older guy at university. He ghosted me after three weeks of speaking day and night. I knew it was because I didn’t sleep with him after the third date. I felt used.” -Elena

Ghosted by an acquaintance

“I got ghosted by this girl I know from mutual friends. We went out twice, I wasn’t able to go out the day she wanted and she never responded to my texts since. In hindsight, I see she probably just wanted to have fun on her own terms but at the time I took it personally and thought I said or did something wrong.” -George

Ghosting as an immature defence mechanism

“I was dating a family friend of mine for a couple of months and felt as though I was putting much more effort than them so I thought it was justified to temporarily ghost him till he got the memo.” -Vic

Even though it’s hard not to take it personally when someone cuts all communication with you, it’s actually usually because of them and not you. Either they don’t know what they’re feeling, don’t know how to deal with it, how to express themselves or are simply just too self-involved.

How to avoid getting ghosted

To avoid getting ghosted, be cautious when online dating. If you’re not online dating just for the fun of it and you’re spending a considerable amount of time on someone pay attention to whether you know their friends, family etc. In this way, it’s less likely for you to get ghosted if you’re part of their world… just don’t go psycho and force yourself into being a part their world so they can’t escape you.

How to avoid doing the ghosting yourself

If you have ghosted or been ghosted, think twice of the choices you’ve made in your dating life\friendships. Invest your time on someone that you feel like you could date/be friends with in the long run. Don’t rush into things with people if you’re uncertain of what you want, its best to be upfront and shut things down honestly than just stop replying and leave a bad impression of yourself with then permanently. This way, there’s less likelihood to have unresolved feelings with either party and makes it easier for both people to move on.