I made my dating profile a PowerPoint to win boys over with my Microsoft words
Finding Mr Right with the power of Microsoft
My Bumble profile is dead. I have never been outright told so, but I just have a feeling. I’m disappointed with it, to be honest. I feel as though I wasn’t reaching my maximum potential on Bumble with the swipes, my profile worked against the algorithm of the app. How is one meant to find love when one’s profile is covered in dead sauce?
Let’s pick it apart – together.
Let’s pick it apart. The pictures are basically all the same, except from Sid the Sloth which is arguably the most exciting part of the profile. I still stand by my dream dinner guest, that is funny. However, as much as I would like to think my year five teacher wouldn’t call me “clapped”, I really was and I wouldn’t blame him for it. I am not even going to address the last one, my spine is curling just thinking about it.
So, I decided to spice things up and make a powerpoint to truly sell my best qualities. I’d seen plenty of boys doing it before, so why shouldn’t I? However, I couldn’t bear being genuine so naturally I decided to take the piss out of myself. Come with me on my journey to finding love.
Step one: The creation of the PowerPoint
Just as God said “Let there be light”, I, Georgia Mooney, said “Let there be powerpoint” and so creation began. BOOM. First slide, my intentions are there. I make it crystal clear I want a nice boy who will watch Eastenders with me. I am not in this business to mess around, boyfriends come and go but Eastenders is forever. I also make the very important points that a) I do have friends, b) I drink pints of beer and c) I go outside. What more could you want in a woman?
Here is where the true gold is, my notable qualities and my ratings.
Please note that the most of these qualities are genuine, I think being in touch with your emotions is so important and also just get the whole shoe size out the way because a girl can’t help genetics.
Next up is my ratings:
Also, can I just make it clear I had no physical contact with the rat, I’m unsure why it said that for my rating.
Finally, here is the new and improved bumble account. Think of the girl you see on this account as fun, quirky and someone who is not afraid to show off the fact she knows her way around Microsoft. Now let’s get down to business.
Step two: Let the swiping begin
I decided to make it fair and not be biased at all because I want as many responses as I can get. I swiped for the first ten boys and three had already swiped and matched with me. I did ponder whether my confidence should be ruined by this or not, I am sure it is just how the app operates.
As it’s Bumble, I had to message first, I sent all the boys the same platonic message: “Hello, what do you think of my PowerPoint?” I kept swiping and swiping until I could swipe no more, and then I collected the best responses.
Step three: The results
I was hoping for creative responses, considering how much effort I put into my new profile. And, oh boy, they did not disappoint. Some guys were genuinely really nice and then some were super boring. Some had an issue with the font I used and then some thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. It was a mixed bag, but here are the best:
Tom provided me with a very fair response. I do drink shit lager, but it’s lager nonetheless.
“To be honest, this is literally the best profile dating app I have ever seen. If I have to rate it, it’s gonna be 9.5/10 (not ten because you drink some shitty lager).”
He kept me grounded at the end.
This boy really made my ego go through the roof. His compliments are just something money can’t buy. Also, he knew how to keep the conversation going, so hats off to him. A promising contender.
“I think that might be one of the most well thought out bios I’ve seen in all my single years, perfectly crafted to directly show off all your key aspects, could do with some fancy transitions but it’s a work in progress. 10/10 worth taking to the pub for a pint or 54.”
Tyler opened up an entire new world to me, he played it cool and gave no direct response to the efforts shown in my profile. Instead, he quizzed me on whether I would prefer a Fat Mac or Beefcake Mac, I don’t know what either of them are.
He later threatened to unmatch me as I asked what they both were.
I was upset with Tom, he bashed the Tab hardcore but he did enjoy my banter, pint drinking and dogs. Things could be worse.
“Worse journalistic standards” ok, chief.
The only one to acknowledge my shoe size, so clearly size matters.
“Glad you went to so much effort especially as I know we can now share shoes”
He kept it short and sweet, I like Toby.
“I like it, a bit weird tho.” To which I said, “very fair.” He responded with “What you mean” and I replied with “It is weird.”
A strange and confusing interaction.
Conclusion: I would recommend this to anyone on a dating site
Sometimes a little bit of effort goes a long way, and the 25 minutes of effort I put into this PowerPoint really went a long way. The feedback was funny, the ice was already broken and they know loads about you already.
I would consider this PowerPoint a success, conversation was flowing for a while after. Plus, if you put stuff like your height or show size, you will find that most people don’t actually care. For anyone who is interested, applications to watch the soaps with me are still open.