Overheard in: Falmer Bar

We listened in on people’s conversations so you don’t have to


As little as you may want to admit it, eavesdropping on other people's conversations is a dead easy way to pass the time – and it's even better when the stories you hear contain romance, drama and chaos.

We collated the most outrageous things overheard at Falmer Bar on Sussex campus for your pleasurable reading.

The girl with a happy ending

Tuesday's Skint night is sure to contain drama: with a high drink to student ratio, many regrettable mistakes are made. Picture a typical couple-y date night: booth secured, drinks ordered, happy couple. But, lips literally locked, another lad dashes over with all guns blazing. "That's my girlfriend, you fucking prick!" he screams, much to the surprise of the lovers. All three storm out the door arguing about morality and poor judgement.

The saga continues for several minutes until, eventually, they seem to calm down. Our source now admits, she did return to her own pint believing the action to be over. But, flash forwards 10 minutes and the trio are seen with mischievous smiles on their faces, hands interlocked and a very exciting night ahead of them. Scandalous.

Image may contain: Cushion, Indoors, Chair, Pants, Face, Clothing, Apparel, Human, Person, Couch, Furniture

2 boys 1 girl

The students who proved that racism is still an issue

In contrast to the last story, a girl was overheard chatting with her mates about her Nigerian family friend. They impersonated her accent, carelessly laughed and even made monkey noises proving that passive racism is STILL a problem.

We encourage you all to always promote kindness and peace, as well as calling out others when they are wrong.

Image may contain: Person, Human, Newspaper, Text

A very good eavesdropping disguise idea

The fully grown men who just wanted to be students again

To any functioning adult, a pint of snakebite (a.k.a. berry cordial, cheap lager and apple cider) is probably close to bottom on preferable drinks but to any student, it's an opportunity. It gets you drunk faster than a normal pint, plus disguises itself as a tasty and harmless juice (contradicted only by your spitting hangover in the morning).

Three middle-aged men strode into the bar looking more gleeful than anyone should be on a Wednesday afternoon. Having ordered three snakebites they proceed to monopolise the pool table in a heated competition. They were overheard complaining about their troublesome wives who had banned pool from their usual pub outings. Having exiled themselves to a student bar to play, they had told their wives that they'd gone golfing.

Let's hope for their sakes' that their wives don't read The Tab.

The academic researcher

Lastly, the girl who was chatting with her friends about her academic research topic: "I'm doing my dissertation on vaginas and performance! Brilliant!"

We're just going to leave that one there.

Cheers to Falmer.