It’s time to admit Toast in Bournemouth is your ultimate guilty pleasure

Our regular student nightclub in Bournemouth is called Toast. Why is it called that? you may ask. The answer – because they literally give out free toast to sober us all up.

The queue

If you’re lucky, a queue at Toast will be as quick as ten minutes, but sometimes you may be standing outside longer. On entrance you pay your three pound, or if you’re incredibly eager and get guest list you might get a scratch card and win a free shot or even a flight to Amsterdam. Most of the time you’re not one of the lucky ones and end up with nothing, begging your friends to give you their free entry for next week as you “need it more” than them.

The hookups 

Did I really just get with her again?

Toast is a night of drunken disasters and inevitable hookups that you will rip into your friends for the rest of the year. Only at Toast is it “acceptable” to get with your mate’s ex and then blame it on the amount of bombs you consumed.

The toast 

After downing your fifth Jägerbombs, you’re starting to feel a little bit worse for wear. What better way to sober you up than a slice, or five, of toast? There is always someone manning the toaster, buttering slice after slice of essentially warm slightly soggy post-butter bread. Of course you immediately regret it after taking the first bite, but it’s the only thing that will keep you sober enough from getting kicked out or spending hours locked in the toilet. No matter how much you complain about “never eating that again” you always go back for more.

The smoking area

With the cheap drinks, £3.50 doubles and £1.75 Jägerbombs, arguments are bound to break out. If someone at Toast doesn’t cry, did you really go to Toast at all? Of course all of the above will take place in the smoking area, with drama breaking out left right and centre. Do we even know what we’re fighting about? Probably not!

Who are these people again?

The toilet friends

“I’ll be back in a minute just popping to the toilet” is a common phrase heard from gals at Toast. Apart from they’re never a minute as they’ve now made friends with a new group of girls in the loos. With conversations often starting over what shade of lipstick someone is wearing a series of selfies for Snapchat will shortly follow. You tell one another you love them and you will see them later, then never see each other again until another night at Toast in the future.

After spending 60 per cent of your time in smokers, 20 per cent in the toilets, 10 per cent in the queue, 5 per cent at bar, 5 per cent dancing, you know you’ve had a brilliant night at Toast.