I went to Sussex Yik Yak to get answers for all of life’s biggest questions

Having recently moved to Brighton, I was full of questions about the area, the best places to eat, where to go out and how to survive university. It would take a huge amount of effort to find answers to all of these question by just asking people I know. I needed varying, unbiased responses. What I needed was a place where locals could offer their knowledge to me, instantly.

Enter Yik Yak.

Who has cooking tips to impress a girl?

This is an incredibly important question. Especially given the fact that at university, you’re not going to be able to afford to take her out for a cheeky Nandos every Friday night.

For me, this is the best response. Who doesn’t like wine? Especially girls. Add the entire bottle lads.

What is the key to happiness?

That’s settled then.

Hangover tips

Now, we’ve all woken up at midday on the morning after and received a text from a mate asking us to attend a midday pint down at the pub. Not wanting to let down our friends, we drag our broken body out of the bed and down to Ye Olde King and Queen. That cheeky voddy coke in the sun is a death sentence. Just don’t do it.

This is a far better solution for curing a hangover. Nothing will ever be greater than the humble bacon sandwich to fix a pounding head. The crispier, the better. If you’re a vegetarian, just have two mars bars. Sorted.

What not to say on a first date?

The first date. When you make or break a potential relationship. Apparently a girl decides if she wants to sleep with you in the first seven seconds of speaking to her,  therefore, you have to nail the first date. Avoid making jokes at his/her expense – you’re not qualified to make those jokes until 6 months.

These two responses are incredibly valid. To be honest, you may be desperate to remind him/her that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. There’s nothing worse than sitting in Nandos wanting to remind her that you’re an intelligent, educated human being. This is not the way to do it. And, considering the fact that we are hypothetically in Nandos, don’t say that you’re vegan.

What’s the best excuse for skipping a lecture?

Well, I guess honesty is the best policy.

What’s the best place to eat on campus?

The verdict is in. Unless you are after a sandwich or a Mexican burger, East Slope bar is the best place to eat on campus. Get yourself a Slopebite whilst you’re there, you won’t regret it.

Any advice for surviving uni?

I already know that this will be useful. Thank you, AFlock0fSeagulls.

What’s the best place for a night out in Brighton?

Brighton hosts a wealth of bars and clubs, and almost everyone chooses a different venue as their favourite watering hole. As you can see from these responses, it’s all about your own individual taste. My advice? You’re going to have to go and try every single venue in town. Maybe not in one night though.

What’s the best thing about being at uni?

This is a very good point about university. When living at home, you have to be slightly conscious of what you’re going to look like when you stumble through your front door at 4am and wake up your mother, father and dog. Now, there’s no one to clean up after you, but there’s also no one here to tell you not to make a mess in the first place.

What’s the worst thing about being at uni?

Thank you. We can all surely agree that the absolute worst thing about living at the University of Sussex is the god-awful Eduroam. It takes about an hour to set up on your laptop in your room, and then as soon as you move to another place on campus, it stops working again. Many a hair has been pulled out in frustration over connecting to Eduroam.

Remember, there’s always a silver lining. Being poor at university is an introduction to being poor for the next 30 years whilst you pay off all of your debts from university.