Everything that will happen in Freshers’ week at Sussex

Freshers’ Week has arrived which means a fresh batch of young and hungry adolescents have descended on Sussex swayed by the promises of drunken orgies, finding oneself, and just going a little bit nuts.

For some however, we’ve been there done that and got the vomit covered bar crawl shirt and so we don’t fall into the same traps as our young padawans. We almost could predict what would happen during freshers and so, we created a list of things that just might happen that you can tick off.

You first attempt to rally your housemates that you’ve been chatting on Facebook with for the past couple weeks

You spent ages having dry conversation with people online that you will be living with. ‘So what do you study?’ ‘Lovely to meet you all! Can’t wait for freshers!’ and ‘Has anyone done work over summer?’ are just a few of the cliche lines thrown out on the group Facebook/Whatsapp chat. Finally you can put profile picture to face and meet each other in person. Around 20 of you visit East slope bar and crowd around a table making awkward conversation.

You visit co-op to get one thing, spend all day queueing

Damn, you forgot your cooking oil. Don’t worry, Sussex University have rightly provided shopping on campus so you don’t go without. You visit Co-op which, during freshers and lunchtimes, looks like a indoor rave of countless bodies sprawled across the shop floor. The poor Co-op staff standing by the tills are constantly ID’ing people because everyone wants a bottle of vodka have a uphill battle to serve the mile long queue. Should’ve just remembered to bring your oil from mum’s.

You will ask the people working at Co-op how to get a job there at least once

And you will get the same reply. “You missed the opportunity to sign up. It was before term. Talk to the Student Union.”

You’ll panic because you don’t know what bus takes you to town

Is it the 25 or the 23? What about the 40? What on earth is the Brighton Marina??

You’ll panic because you don’t know what clubs are good in town

A flatmate bullshits and says that they’ve been to Brighton before and know that The Arch is the place to be tonight. You don’t find out that the last time they went to Brighton was when they were 15 and only know The Arch because it is on the seafront. Another friend suggests The Haunt because they see posters jotted around campus. In short, everyone is bullshitting each other that they think ‘X’ club will be the best night out.

You will definitely spend some time on the beach at night

After a long day drinking, partying, and trying to sleep with your flatmate, you need a bit of a rest. Leaving the seafront club with either just yourself or one other person you decide its a funny idea to chill on the beach. You sit down on wet stones and didn’t realise it was raining earlier. To your horror, you see people using the beach as a toilet and the penny drops as to why the stones are wet.

Brighton gardens will always be a toilet stop 

It’s a long trip from campus to town.

You will learn the ways of the bus alcohol

You don’t want to sober up on the way to town so you bring alcohol on the bus. The bus driver refuses to let you on with a big bottle of a unknown black liquor and you have to throw it away. The next night, you bring a clear bottle with clear liquid claiming it is lemonade or water. Pfft, jokes on you  bus driver its vodka. You have now learnt the ways of the bus alcohol.

Someone WILL throw up on the 25/N25 bus

We want you do to something when you are next on the N25. See if the ground is wet and if something has trickled down the aisle. Yep, it is vomit.

West Street will quickly be your friend or foe

Ahhh West Street. The liveliest place in town can also be the one you avoid most. You may love the fact that it has Pryzm, Revolution, Walkabout, A Wetherspoons, and 24 hour food places, but West Street can be a bit of a rowdy place. On the weekends, the street is littered with police vans that is reminiscent of a war zone and can be a place for trouble. However, if you never visit on the weekends and enjoy the many bar crawls that happen along this street then you can never beat it.

You will go to the pier party and immediately regret it

You get ready for a night of unlimited fairground rides that your inner five-year-old has been dreaming of for years. On arrival, the immense queuing mirrors shopping in the Co-op and both are equally as mundane. At least the after party is good.

You will make that one really good fresher friend and never see them ever again

Tony is that cool guy that you immediately click with. Maybe its because you’re drunk all the time and somehow you just get on. Tony is going to be your best friend all term and you will probably move in with him. Oh, he does PPE and you do Chemistry? Guess you will just make awkward head nods when you walk past each other now.

Unless they live in Northfield or Swanborough…

“Hey Tony! What you doing tonight? Party round yours? Wicked.”

Your phone book will be full of complete random people 

Who the fuck is Katie Freshers?

Your Facebook will be full of complete random people 

Who the fuck is James Sussex?

Your kitchen will be full of complete random people

Who the fuck are all of you?

Someone will fall asleep in the hall corridor 

You can see the key in their hand and they were so close yet so far.

You think uni will always be like this

What do you mean lectures?