Fresher tells us his predictions on what Sussex will be like

Starting at a new uni is a chance to wipe the slate clean and reinvent yourself. For some, they want to be cool and not be reminded about that mistake they made in year 10 constantly. For many however, its a chance to let your hair down and party.

Robert Laingchild will start his degree as a Chemistry student at Sussex.

“The Tab have asked me and my crazy mad skills to tell you lovely people what I expected.”

Moulsecoomb is a shit-tip to be avoided at all costs: 

A lot of my family hail from East Sussex and lets just say I’ve heard some things about this town. The same goes for Telscombe Cliffs, though I have had that misfortune. Rumour has it, just as football teams send out scouts to find the next big thing, Jeremy Kyle has scouts in Moulsecoomb

All of my evenings will be spent in the pubs: 

Lets get this straight. I have been to Brighton with my family and all of those visits were punctuated with visits to the Bath Arms. Why? Because its the best fucking pub in all history ever and its family tradition that’s why.

The Albion will be in the Premier League: 
*ahem* GOAL DIFFERENCE. FUCKING GOAL DIFFERENCE. (Cries into photo of Bobby Zamora)

My new lifestyle is going to resemble Quadrophenia: I have a really small crippling obsession with mods. Weller is God. I’m going to ride around Brighton on a Vespa wearing my parka and Chelsea boots. I will be going to Soul all-nighters and skanking it up at the Concorde. This is a promise rather than an expectation. Because, lets be honest, Phil Daniels is one heck of a beautiful human being and apart from the fact that my course is really good, The Mods were the whole reason I chose Sussex!

I’m going to spend lots of time studying… NOT! I’m going to get drunk rather a lot:

This one really needs no introduction: drinking in Brighton is great, being drunk is great, ergo, I’m going to be drunk in Brighton… A lot. There’s some great venues for getting pissed in Brighton, including some great pubs and bars of the beaten track in Kemptown. Clubbing in Brighton is wicked too, Shooshh on the seafront being a personal favourite, you just might have to save your pennies though for this one boys and girls… Here’s a photo of me drunk in Brighton just in case you don’t believe me:

Halls are going to be dingy as fuck:

I’m fairly sure that my student flat will look like the house from the Young Ones within a week. The first thing you find on that there google when you search my halls is a picture of an orgy of rats… can’t wait for that one.

I’m going to be on University Challenge:
Because I’m a monumental dork and sharing air time with the Pax is my idea of a wet dream. I was even the captain of the quiz team at my Sixth Form because I really am just such a cool guy. Just look at him, he is fucking beautiful.

Pizza will be on the menu at least 7 times a week:

Because I’m a lazy fuck, that’s why. Cooking is just a massive hassle y’know? What we do know is that two for Tuesdays is going to be my bestest friend.

I’m going to get in a fight with some hippies:The battle for Brighton was won in the 60’s when the brave mods overcame those troublesome rockers. Now, we mods have a new enemy in the fight for control over Brighton, The Hippy. Characterised by long dreadlocks, tie-dye and a whiff of marijuana, these monsters must be stopped. There will probably be some kind of turfwar in Whitehawk where much blood will be shed. Either that or we’ll all get on really well. (Kill it before it lays eggs)

I’ll be in a shit-hot band:

We’ll be amazing and Fatboy Slim will probably want to sign us to Skint immediately.
(Editor note – Yes! What will your band be called?)
We’re going to be called shit-hot band. That way everyone knows we’ll be shit-hot.

I’ll be the hottest DJ in town:
Because Brighton has the sickest club scene around! I mean Skint records is here! I just have to learn how to DJ first…

Freshers is going to be CRAY-ZEE:

Groove Armada and Basement Jaxx. Need I say more?

All the posh people will hang out in Hove:

I should say the front of Hove, beyond Portman Rd you’re getting into Portslade. That place is a dump. Not as much of a dump as Moulsecoombe, but a dump nonetheless.