How to dress for a night at Concorde 2

No other club would have the audacity to charge upwards of £12 on the door (BIGGEST BUMP EVER??) to see Congo Natty/ Mungos Hi-Fi/ The Heatwave/ some other tired and exhausted dancehall-come-reggae artist that you have no doubt seen a million times before.

Once you have given over that hefty sum of money, you’re stuck in a school hall-esque dancefloor full of sweaty meatheads all daggering chicks whose eyes are rolling back in their heads. So, having sworn your night over to the devil, you should at least come wearing something spicy which will make you stand out in the squad photo.

Squaa

The top is so important

Rookie first year mistakes

Spend the week before your Big Night Out scrolling through reams and reams of overpriced “one-of-a-kind” retro tops on Depop or The Basement if you’re a fashion savvy brudda. Avoid any items found on the £20 sale rail at a high street shop, everything you find here is way too Pryzm. As it’s a jungle night you’re off to, be sure to bag a top which screams FYAHHH. But a word of caution, anything actually jungle print is far too “basic bitch”.

Braids, braids, braids 

These braids could be improved with a lil glitter for extra sass

BRAIDS a la Gwen Stefani in the early 90s or FKA twigs in her Water Me video are  a MUST for the ratchet Concorde galdem.

The more intricate and elaborate the pattern, the better. Always remember that even though these tight plaits are 100 per cent likely to give you a headache by 1am, you’re still looking more ghetto than Maya who is still trying to rock the scrunchie and baby hair look.

Top tip: finish this look with a dousing of glitter, some wavey butterfly clips and a gelled sideburn.

A puffer jacket isn’t just for warmth

It’s February and lets face it, Concorde 2 on a windy night is just about as cold as you imagine it to get “up North”. Time to whip out your Ralphy puffer and cement your roadman status. Not only is it the warmest coat you own, but your sweggy looks will prevent any entry issues you may face with the notorious bouncer.

Know your creps

As it’s Concorde 2 you’re going to, you’re sure to know your Superstars from your Stan Smiths, your Nike Cortez’s from your Nike Oceana’s. Needless to say then, that you will already have toothbrush cleaned your Nike Air Max 95’s ready for a wild night of mandy-fuelled skanking. Roll safe, yeh.