What your halls say about you

He’s definitely East Slope

It’s almost the end of term, which means all you freshers will have been in halls for nearly three months. If you’re a fresher, you’ll have learnt that halls don’t just come with shit toasters – they also come with their own set of stereotypes. So, what do your halls say about you?

East Slope

east slope roof

High up in both ways

If you live in the slope, you own at least one pair of trousers with an exotic pattern on, have three or more piercings (including one on the face somewhere) and bond with your other East Slope pals over your mutual love for weed as well as the stronger stuff.

People slate East Slope, calling it grubby, but you’re probably a relatively down to earth person who doesn’t get too bothered about things, like one shower between 12 people or the ever growing blue stuff in the corner of your kitchen. Your favourite music consists of drum and bass, house and/or grime. It’s most likely you study something from the arts and humanities or media.

Park Village


You can almost smell the weed.

If you don’t smoke weed you probably deal it, if you don’t do either then you’re probably an international student. You’re too high maintenance for East Slope, but cruddy little Park Village does you fine – you’re not a fussy person.

Chances are you’re either of two extremes: highly reserved or wildly sociable (which massively conflicts with the unsociable ways of Park Village), yet whichever one you are you’re an independent soul. Y

ou’d be lying if you said you didn’t own at least one pair of Adidas trainers or a windbreaker jacket.

Park Houses


The home of mainstream.


The most average of people on campus, you only have one colour in your hair and all your clothes are from a shop that you could find in Churchill square. You’re what some may call mainstream.

You’re up for a good party once in a while, probably at The Haunt.

Lewes Court



You’re pretty much the same as Park Houses except you’re fussier about your own space and hygiene.

In general you’re a pretty laid back, but studious person. Your room is an haven for wall hangings and fairy lights or Breaking Bad (or similar) posters if you’re a guy. Thank god you probably missed the Lewes Court dead sheep of 2013.

Stanmer Court

stanmer court

It’s cold and lonely out there…

Where even are you? Are you okay out there?


Freshers at Brighthelm halls, Sussex University

It’s rare to see you guys

Brighthelm folk are harder to find than your motivation to get up for a  nine am. If you live here, you’re keep to yourself most of the time.

You work hard and probably came to university to actually work, and to make money off charging people to use your washing machine.



More windows than pals.

You’re very middle class and probably eat out at least once a week, even if it is just at Falmer Bar. Half of your wardrobe is from Topshop/Topman and you have never had to cook a meal for yourself in your life, or really do much for yourself at all. Why else would you need a lift when there’s only 3 floors? Despite attempting to force yourself to like garage music, Shoosh or Pryzm are the kind of clubs that play your sort of music.


You most likely get the most hostile responses when you tell people you live here. There are two kinds of Northfieldians.

Type one: you live there because your scholarship/grant makes it less ridiculously extortionate or type two: you’re actually pretty minted.

The best view on campus

Despite popular beliefs, most of you are decent people who just like your own space and a nice kitchen. If you’re not from abroad, you’ve probably been on a gap yah somewhere abroad, most likely somewhere in South-East Asia.

Half of you have never even heard of MDMA let alone tried it, the other half have enough money to buy a baggie every week. You shop at Waitrose or Sainsbury’s (and you don’t buy the basics) and end up using this food to have food fights with, just because you can.