Being a lesbian can be a nightmare – even in Brighton

Think we live in an LGBTQ+ haven? You’re wrong

I’m Amelia,  I am 20 years old, bisexual and am currently in my first ever proper relationship with a girl.

Being in a lesbian relationship makes a great change from being with a boy.

You end up doing things together that most would never do in a straight relationship: styling each others hair and makeup and going clothes shopping without the fear of the other one getting bored.

We can even cry together after watching pathetically cheesy rom-coms


Yes, being in a gay/lesbian relationship definitely has its perks.

But I never realised just how much hassle it can cause being part of a feminine-looking lesbian couple and the average reaction I receive from people when I say I have a girlfriend is utter shock.

Some people will then even actually insist that I’m joking or lying.

It really does become quite infuriating when someone insists that you “can’t” be gay just because of the way you look and present yourself.

It is this dismissal of the fact that I’m in love with a girl that has really started to grind on me.


It seems to me that it is often straight men that dismiss this fact the most.

When I had first started seeing my girlfriend, previous boyfriends or boys I had been with were trying to contact me, so I thought it was probably the time to let them down gently and tell them that I was no longer single but and seeing a girl.

I was shocked at some of their responses:  “So? Come round anyway” or even worse, would be their sudden seedy interest in  what we get up to “;)” and feeling the need to express how “hot” they found it.

This was also evident when my girlfriend and I decided to make our relationship “Facebook official” and one comment emerged from a guy I hardly knew just saying “plz put up vidz”.

These responses that made me think, imagine if I was talking about a new guy I had just started seeing; how differently would they respond? Would they really dismiss it and expect me to “come round anyway?”


Amelia (second on the left)

Would they really start asking and wanting to know about what we get up to in the bedroom? Or would they really be saying how “hot” they found it?

No, I think not. Why should it be any different to if I am seeing a girl? I know other people in Brighton are experiencing the same kind of thing, too.

Nights out prove to be even worse. Imagine going out with your other half and every time you kissed or even got slightly near each other, a crowd of men surrounded you, gawping and even jeering. Intimidating, right?

The most infuriating response is when countless men ask to “Join in”. It’s as if they assume the only reason we are there kissing is for their own pleasure and to apparently try and lure them into bed with us.

Imagine if a straight couple got this sort of response on a night out. They just wouldn’t.

Living in what some perceive to be one of the most liberal cities and the LGBTQ+ capital of England, It troubles me to think that my girlfriend and I consider it a luxury to go on a night out without having a crowd of men jeering every time we decide to give each other a peck on the lips.