These are the candidates running in Brighton for the General Election

There’s more to life than Caroline you know

brighton conservative general election green party labour tory ukip

May 7 is fast approaching, and readers who chose to vote by post will have just received their ballot papers. It’s time to make your choice about where to put that tick, and The Tab is here to guide you.

Green Party

Is the rosette made from recycled materials Caz?

Who? Caroline Lucas, Green queen supreme.

Key policies: Campaigning against the privatisation of the NHS, increasing the minimum wage within the year, lowering and eventually scrapping tuition fees, producing cleaner and more affordable energy.

More annoying policies include higher council tax, higher parking fees, and a bid to improve recycling which we seem to wait forever for.

Chance of winning: High. Students seem to lap up Green policies faster than £1 Jagerbombs at the haunt, and other Brightonians are keen, too.

Numerically speaking, around 31 per cent of Brighton Pavilion went for Green in 2010, which is up to a whopping 68 per cent in 2015.

Our prediction: Caroline seems to be a popular personality, and she even frequents Room 76, but she might just be beaten my Labour.

Vote for them if: You don’t mind their dodgy and annoying proxy vote campaign, and you can live with driving at 20 miles an hour, or if you have protested against fracking. If you’re a bit of a hippy at heart, Caroline is your gal.

Labour

labour

Who? Purna Sen, Lady in Red.

Key policies: A future of fairness and security, a life of opportunity and a sustainable future, according to her website. Interpret that as you will.

Labour policies in general include increasing mansion tax and corporation tax, cutting tuition fees to £6,000 a year, freezing and then capping rail fares, and  freezing energy prices for a minimum of two years.

Chance of winning: Labour narrowly missed out on the 2010 Brighton Pavillion seat with 28 per cent of the votes. This year, Purna is predicted to win 30 per cent of voters over.

Our prediction: Purna might just trump Caroline. Definitely one to watch.

Vote for them if: You fancy yourself as a fan of Robin Hood’s taxing the rich to create better lives for everyone else spiel, and want someone as your MP who realises their party has been less than perfect in the past.

Conservative

conservative

Who? Clarence Mitchell.

Key policies: More support and funding for small businesses, decreasing council tax, reducing the cost of living (including housing, education, and energy).

Chance of winning: Only two per cent of Brightonians are predicted to vote blue. In 2010, 23 per cent did.

Our prediction: Country-wide? Probable. Brighton? Improbable.

Vote for them if: You want an old white man in charge who acts like he is left-wing online, but is a member of a party which has been dubbed more right-wing than UKIP. Alternatively, if you are middle class, Clarence is your man with a plan.

Lib Dem

key_chris_bowers

Who? Chris Bowers.

Key policies: Funding disadvantaged schools, building more community buildings and facilities, funding education at all levels. Funding and building and funding and building forever.

Chance of winning: Dull at best. In 2010, nearly 14 per cent of Brightonians backed the Lib Dems, but this year it is thought less than one per cent will.

Our prediction: Lib Dems seem to be losing out among students after they promised to scrap tuition fees, then failed to deliver. Country-wide, the yellows are lagging behind Labour, Conservative, and even UKIP. Although their policies seem to please everyone, Clegg certainly hasn’t in the past few years.

Vote for them if: You’re not a fan of the blues or reds, and are a fan of people who are all talk and no action, or decaf coffee.

UKIP

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Who? Nigel Carter

Key policies: Nigel doesn’t have a personal website, but the general UKIP manifesto involves capping immigration and enforcing more strict immigration policies, spending more on the NHS, spending less on benefits, and abolishing the Department of Energy and Climate change.

Chance of winning: Lower than your self-esteem while doing a walk of shame. Brighton seems to be making like Queen Bey and going to the left, to the left.

Our prediction: The day there are no letchy boys in Pryzm is the day UKIP will win Brighton. Less than one per cent this year are predicted to vote UKIP.

Vote for them if: You are also called Nigel, and happen to be white, male, cisgender, heterosexual, Christian, middle aged and middle class.