We sent two girls who know nothing about clothes to Brighton Fashion Week

Abby Mullan is a 19 year old Fine Art student inputting her artistic opinions of the designs and looks on the catwalk.

Belle Johnson is a 20 year old English with Drama student who is more often than not seen dressed as an 80s Barbie themed human sized prophylactic.

Together they took on a night at Brighton Fashion Week. Find their highly subjective and unqualified opinions below.

Abby: This guy quickly stood out to us as someone who had an interesting anecdote to tell us about his outfit. He was part of the Pants to Poverty campaign that was attempting to style up the public from cotton to bottom.

Belle: I sensed that this man was part of an important philanthropic campaign, which is 100% of the reason that I wanted to go and speak to him.

Abby: No one should be given permission to leave the house like this.

Belle: Much to everyone’s relief, I did manage to refrain from loudly requesting that Mr. Holder come on and feel the noize.

Abby: Respect to the crazy frog lady, fabulous colour co-ordination going on here.

Belle: But… Frog?

Abby: And the most uncomfortable outfit at Fashion Week award goes to the model who still managed to rock the birds-nest up do in 6 inch heels.

Belle: This was very lovely but it was a shame when the model passed out on account of the lack of oxygen found at 30,000 feet.

Abby: There’s nothing wrong with a bit of nipple flashing every now and again, and the way this material draped the body really made the model look like a goddess.

Belle: Go on, do a spin. Do a spin I dare you.

Abby: One of the main pieces that stood out to me most as something that I would genuinely buy on the high street was this amazing kaleidoscopic kimono. I doubt the price would be very student friendly though.

Abby: As a printmaking student, I was able to appreciate these designs in an artistic way, however I’m not sure the ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ look was intentional.

Belle: “When you are the moon, there is a person people say is the sun. I saw the sun once, and he came past me, really fast. And it was an, it was called, the, an eclipse. And he came fast! But as he came past, I, I licked his back. And he doesn’t know I licked his back! All in his yellow suit!”

Abby: What did particularly interest me about the models was their lack of professional styling. Their make up wasn’t flawless or perfected (in the least offensive way possible) and I thought this made them seem more real and relatable.

Belle: Ok ok just be cool, don’t fangirl, but yes that does appear to be the main one off of The Jetsons.

Abby: I’m not sure who pissed in this models teapot but she was not a happy bunny tonight. I can understand going for ‘fierce’ but she was way too sassy for my liking.

Belle: Ok, yep, maybe let’s give the positioning of the black tassels slightly more thought next time yeah?

Abby: The fresh faces of the catwalk also appealed to me as it made the idea of becoming a model much more achievable. It suddenly seems like such an easy profession to pose.. for MONEY, the girls made it look so natural.

Abby: These prints were something I could definitely see up in an art gallery. They were so well delivered, and represented texture and line so effectively while remaining effortlessly simple.

Belle: Go on, fess up, who nicked Mrs. Left’s bra?

Abby: I know every on trend teenager right now is loving pom poms and this designer rocked the bright colours and embellishing.

Belle: Remember that time Julie Andrews made all the smalls matching clothes out of curtains? That, but after a night of too much acid.

Abby: I understand the whole minimalist look but with this design, less is so not more. I could see more nip that I needed and I’m not sure that was the designers intention. The spotlights did not do this model any favours.

Belle: Thank God they gave her a furry bracelet, she’d have felt REALLY exposed otherwise.

Abby: Despite completely slating her (lack of) outfit I do have respect for this model for showing off her amazing body in spite of her stretch marks. It’s so refreshing not to watch size 0 girls tip toe down the catwalk and instead have someone with healthy curves that still make me want to look like them.

Belle: Zero underwear was hurt in the making of this outfit.

Abby: I’m not sure what the designer’s inspiration behind these pieces was but I’m not going to be rushing out to buy a metal penis on a chain anytime soon.

Abby: I loved the wood/bark theme going on in this set, as it’s so nice to see the ideas that inspire the designers. The textures recreated in the necklace really complimented the tones and shades.

Belle: You know when you do the make your own pizza and the dough goes a bit too thin and holey and then you accidentally drop in on your legs and wear it as a skirt to a catwalk show?

Abby: The prints in O’Mahony’s pieces are so unusual and eye catching I couldn’t help but persuade myself that I needed all of her outfits. All in one cat suit please Father Christmas!

Abby: I think Louise O’Mahony KILLED it. She stood out amongst all the other designers and really made her mark in terms of colour and pattern.

Belle: One time I was in Woolworths and I slipped on a gummy bear into the Pick ‘n’ Mix stand and created a very similar look.

Abby: THIS SKIRT! This look was 100% the show stopper for me. The model worked it so well and the colours in the floral prints had everyone turning their heads (besides the men looking disappointed by their goody bags).

Abby: Amazing details on the back of this piece (or just my dodgy photography skills). Although the model must have been pretty solid to be dragging that down the catwalk.

Belle: She must be having an absolute hoot AM I RITE. Because she looks… she looks like a owl…? Oh forget it.

Abby: Any mermaid wannabe would have loved this look; metallic and glitter? Still not enough to chill out the scary glares of the model.

Belle: Thank God for the convenient bag for all your emergency palm leaf carrying needs.

Abby: Did the designer want the model to look as though she was emerging from a hermit shell or…?

Belle: There is a stain on my trousers. It’s ok though because someone left their massive silver cabbage lying about so I’ll just use that.

Abby: I’m a big fan of the over-sized trend but this trench coat made the models head look way too teeny tiny. Any strong winds from the beachfront and he would have blown away.

Belle: I AM EMPEROR SHAH, BEHOLD MY UPPER FOREARMS.

Abby: Granny’s bed sheets? Caravan décor? Since when did library carpets become desirable on a men’s two piece suit?

Belle: Yeaaah you’d be cross too if years of personal toning lead to one night of being a marshmallow whose mum didn’t take growing room into consideration.

Abby: If this was a fashionable approach to Britain’s gang problem, then I was most definitely scared. I don’t need to be seeing men’s noses poking out of mesh and there is no way I’d let them into my fishnets.

Belle: Introducing, The Samurowl. Half Samurai, Half Owl, Full Pimpin.