Sussex Eweniversity Becomes Blood Baaath

Late on Thursday night, aewenique situation developed outside Lewes Court halls of residence. A sheepish student posted a photograph to a Freshers page on Facebook, appealing for other students to come forward if they knew anything about the rampage unfolding outside the halls.

Source: Baris Acaroglu (self-made BNOC)

In short; there was a sheep lying dead outside someone’s kitchen window. This, in itself, sparked an inevitable intellectual debate amongst Sussex students, well known for their love of all creatures great and small.

Within hours, students had flocked to have their say. The photograph has received 117 likes, and over 100 comments. Some were looking for sheep thrills. Others showed geneweine concern.

I myself have herd several different speculations surrounding the unfortunate fate of the sheep ram. The most popular controversy theories are as follewes: (sorry, getting a bit lamb now)

1. “Fantastic Mr.Fox.” Aka. The Wooly Bully.
2. Trouble up t’faaarm. With crop growth having hit a herdle this spring, the other livestock is taking a pop at bleating the competition. Cow vs. Sheep, who will win? (Cow. The answer is cow. As is bleating obvious)
3. Some form of disease. Let’s not dwell on that, though…
4. The apocalypse is nigh. This seems to be the most popular theory, closely supported by the high level of seats which UKIP were reported to hold across the country this morning.

Whatever the cause, the outcome thus far is clear: the sheepskates in charge showed no sign of moving the animal anytime soon. 9 grand? We’re being fleeced. Thanks for mutton, mate.

The atmosphere this morning is tense, to say the least. Knowing there’s an unlabelled murderer wandering our streets, I know I wont sheep well tonight. In other news, however, there is apparently a cat living in Brighthelm. So that’s ameowsing.

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