ASL: Sussex uni hands-out students personal information

A Freedom of Information request has proved that the university has released the personal details of 20 students to Sussex Police over the last three years.

Gossip Girl HQ

The request came from a mysterious Mr. Franklin (who I am fairly convinced was the janitor in Scooby Doo), and has shown that the university handed over private information to authorities without any form of court order.

Sadly, the uni won’t tell Basil the Great Mouse Detective why they released the details, because they relate to such niche cases that anyone with a D or above in GCSE detecting would be able to work out which students have been busted. In other words, 6.6 people every year do something hilariously unique and illegal enough that they become BNOCs at Sussex.

So the big question inevitably is what sort of details the police were after in the first place? I’ve saved myself and our hallowed establishment a lot of trouble, and made my own profile of personal details. If the Fuzz come knocking, refer them this way:

Foot Size: 6 (on a good day. I suggest you keep me away from temperatures over 30 degrees Celsius, and altitudes above sea level.)

Favourite Disney Film: Beauty and the Beast. No that’s not why I’m called Belle. Yes if you use the line “If you’re Belle I’ll be your beast” I will stamp on you very hard with my massive massive feet.

Don’t mind me, just chilling with my m8s

Colour Scheme of Bedding: Pink and white. Gold if I’m feeling regal, or sense a touch of the Hugh Hefners coming on.

Favourite Whitney Houston Jam: It’s not right, but it’s ok. (I’m gunna make it anyway) (unless the uni gives my personal information to the police in which case I probably won’t) (Missed a trick with your lyrics there Whit)

Me and Whitney

Number of digits I can fit in my mouth in one go: 10. (Call me)

Worst thing I’ve ever forced on a journey up my nasal passage: Lego block (Again. Call me.)

Honest opinion of the Twilight Saga: Life altering.

“If I could dream at all it would be about you, and I’m not ashamed of it”

And if those titbits aren’t enough, may I refer you to my twitter page for a daily update of useless personal information which may or may not one day lead to federal charges. Sussex, I am afraid this roodgal is one step ahead of the proverbial game.

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