Goldrush: A guide to the final frontier of student sex
Goldrush: period of time just before graduation when you lose all inhibitions and pursue sex with everyone
Before university comes to a tragic end, there is one module remaining on every student’s syllabus – the Goldrush.
For those of you who are unaware, the Goldrush is a period of time just before graduation when you revisit the one(s) that got away for desperate and long lusted-after, no-strings attached sex. A bit like Freshers’ Week, but without the risk of awkwardly bumping into them weeks later.
Let us guide you through this final undergraduate rite of passage with some tips on how to Goldrush right.
Get a check up
If you are excited by the prospect of Goldrushing, you are also likely to have woken up on a number of mornings next to Mr or Mrs “who the hell are you?” asking the awkward question of “did we/didn’t we?” No one wants to play carrying an injury – if in doubt, get checked out.
Make a list
Depending on how confident or delusional you’re feeling, this list could get out of control. Seeing as most of your Goldrushees are unlikely to end up in your bed anyway, you might as well make the list big and bold, thus allowing the law of averages to clearly go in your favour. Remember to put them in order, and work your way down the rankings as things get desperate.
The law of attraction is not guaranteed however. You may of course be going for the one, and in such extreme cases this rule does not apply.
Do your research
Make this one (or two, or three…) count, think back to who you missed out on, who you really fancy hooking up with and maybe beyond. Discuss the prospect with your closest acquaintances and check there are no clashes.
If you know a friend of a name on your list, ask where they’re going out. Don’t rely on fate to bring you two together, you know you’d only be Facebook stalking them anyway.
For those of you who require numerous pieces of gold to sustain your rush, read a motivational biography by some true champions of gold and silverware.
Broaden your horizons
Perhaps you’ve never ventured outside of the cheese room, meaning you’ve never had the pleasure of seeing that mysterious stranger from your lecture on a night out. Probably because they prefer somewhere that doesn’t involve VKs and fancy dress.
Maybe you only attend tech house nights and have missed out on meeting your new lover on a sweaty, congested dance floor as you mouth the lyrics of Wonderwall into each other’s sunken, drunken faces.
It will be harder to meet people outside of your “circle” once you’ve finished uni and seeing as student populations are more diverse than ever, ensure that you explore new realms during the Goldrush period.
If you don’t Tinder, do Tinder
It’s simple, unobtrusive and informal so utilize it. If students are Tinder active at this time of year then they are Goldrush active. What better time is there to relentlessly swipe through your fellow city’s singletons until you come across names from your list?
Other forms of social media can work to your advantage as well. Change your LinkedIn profession to “Goldrusher”, convert your WhatsApp into a type of Tinder and stretch your connections while you’re still connected.
Seize the day
Every meal of the day is a potential date. Do you eat three meals a day? Great, but five meals would be even better – that’s five potential dates right there, and don’t forget going for coffee.
Spread the word
Ever had a DJ shout out? They can make a whole club cringe but they can also announce that you mean serious business.
Wingmen/wingwomen can assist you in spreading great rumours. If you’re not a BNOC or a club promoter and you’re list is high on numbers then you’ll need to market yourself. Consider printing promotional material like stickers, flyers and posters to build your brand across campus.
Try a different approach
Hooking up during a night out is a well-worn path. So, why not approach things differently? Talk to the girl or guy in the library you’ve been lusting after for the past three years. Just get the ball rolling – you don’t have much time.
Ignore previous taboos
The housemates, course friends and platonic friends that shoulda’, woulda’, coulda’ but didn’t because it might have been too awkward. Don’t leave wondering what might’ve been, get on with it: taboos are there to be broken.
Flirted with a lecturer? At least one in five students have, if you’ve ever wanted to try it, now is the time. In fact, it’s practically a rule.
Have a Goldrush Party
Uni life and sex go hand in hand, although there’s always that stigma attached to being a polyamory and sleeping around- even at university.
Which is why a Goldrush party could be just the ticket you need to eliminate any potential barriers coming between you and success.
“Many a false step is taken by standing still.” Do you know who said that? Nor do I, but it’s a Chinese proverb, and that lot have loads of sex. If you don’t try to make it happen now, it probably never will, so make sure you at least ask everyone on your list.
Instead of starting your post uni life worrying about the future, have some more fun in the present. These are the best days of your life – go forth and Goldrush.