How to dump someone on Valentines Day

It may not be the most conventional time of year to give your significant other the flick, but here’s how to get away with it in style.


The day of love is fast approaching and the stores are filling up with sickly sweet teddys and cringe-worthy cards declaring deep devotion. The delusional romantics are counting down the days until it becomes ‘acceptable’ to unleash their exasperating public displays of affection whilst the lonely are stocking up on Ben & Jerry’s and Kleenex and preparing their overused Bridget Jones and/or The Notebook DVD’s. You, on the other hand, are different. Rather than pining for the love of your life, you’re desperate for that single status. The cold feet have kicked in and you’re tired of seeing the same old face and that drool soaked pillow. You can taste the freedom waiting just over the horizon. It’s tricky to break up with someone on the day of romance but in the hopes of saving yourself some money, and, lets face it, in the name of a cracking story, here is a guide on a how to break up on Valentine’s day, the easy way! You will need patronizing speeches, a few shots of vodka and a dose of courage…

1. The easy (and slightly cowardly) way out: send a text.  Yes, they and their extended family will hate you, but it does the trick. A few kisses at the end might soften the blow. Short, sweet and straight to point. Hello freedom!

2. Get a Barbershop quartet to sing it to them at work or, if you’re feeling generous, send it to their home. Tears, yes. But tears of laughter. Go you.

3. Arrange to meet them at dinner, and send an escort as your replacement. It may not be the ideal way to break the news, but at least they’re still getting laid.

4. Add a life event of Facebook. That way your partner knows, the rest of the world knows and you don’t even need to communicate with them. Perfect!

5. Everybody loves a good book. Send them the ultimate guide on how to get over your break up and hopefully they will get the hint.

6. If you are a courageous person, meet them for a drink and let the patronizing speeches begin…“It’s not you, it’s me”,“You deserve so much better than me, than this”, or my personal favourite “You’re going to make someone so happy one day”.

7. Send them a bouquet of dead roses with a note, “They’re dead, like our relationship.”

8. If you are the creative type, an re-enactment of Titanic’s “I’ll never let go Jack” could work as you as you begin to silently cry whilst awkwardly moonwalking out of the restaurant, never to return.

Congratulations, you are now single! Go out, get drunk and ignore all those texts that change between begging for you back and calling you all the names under the sun.