The 7 types of boys you meet on Tinder

With only the slightest tinge of shame in my voice I will freely admit, I am a Tinder veteran. Having wasted hours of swiping, messaging and even attempting a go at a truly tragic Tinder Date (sorry, mum) I now realise there are some rudimentary ground rules that must be rigidly followed before deciding on your swipe. So, with my wealth of knowledge, here are a few basic tips on who to avoid on Tinder.

The Good Time Guy

Being desperate for you to know he’s always up for a party, alcohol will feature heavily on his profile. This coupled with the club photos and ‘laddish’ behaviour a sense of roguish fun is sure to swipe (see what I did there?) you off your feet. Don’t believe the hype.

Look how big my alcohol collection is. It’s a metaphor. For my penis.

The Adrenaline Junkie

Showing his daring side, the adrenaline junkie has travelled the world in search of his next death-defying feat of stupidity. Don’t let them force you to jump off buildings with them, it’s not big and it’s not clever.

Look at me go! I look like I’m wearing a skirt.

The Gym Buff

This guy has toiled for hours at the gym perfecting the sculpted body, and doesn’t he want us to know it. Never seen with a top on, the gym buff may look pretty but let’s face the facts that he probably has an over-inflated ego with not a lot to back it up. Talking to this guy also runs the risk of having to join him in the gym. I think I’ll pass.

Inflatable Orange Man. Comes with free bike pump.

The Mystery Man

Despite having plenty of photos on their profile, you never quite catch his face in any of them. Surely there has to be a reason for this, I know my suspicions are roused.

No no, my face is honestly as beautiful as the view. Promise.

The Cultured Guy

Although the array of photos showing how he enjoys the arts, travel and all those other cultured things in life may look impressive, this particular guy is sure to bore you to death with the over-ambitious poetry he’s been writing in his moleskin notebook.

Have I told you about my * hair flick * Gap Yah

The Nerd

Yes, he may have the ‘aww’ factor and yes, he’s not going to have the ridiculous ego of the gym buff, but he will have the social life of a garden gnome and the loquacious ease of a pre-pubescent teenage boy. Can you really live with that?

The Nice Guy

But there is still hope, I’m sure they can’t all be bad. Even if they don’t know how to smile…