Bad Freshers Advice
Mythbusting the poor freshers advice we all received before freshers week.
It’s the end of first term and I’m feeling philosophical. So let’s cut to the chase and expose some harsh truths about the hot mess that is first year…
First year doesn’t count!
The phrase “you only need 40%” is frequently used against fellow freshers, forcing them to go out and get drunk, but don’t get too cocky! This same line will haunt you through long nights at the library spent teaching yourself the entire course for a 9am exam.
Freshers all love to party hard!
Granted, there are the clubbers and boozers, but no one is going to judge you for stocking up on Ben and Jerry’s once in a while and cracking on with a Netflix marathon.
The work is easy!
Who knew there wasn’t a spark notes page, a CGP guide or a GCSE bitesize page for advanced algebra, Nietzsche or rocket science?
You make friends for life in fresher’s week!
Two months down the line, what started out as a promising friendship just ends in an awkward head-nod of recognition between you and ‘that guy from that place whilst drunk’.
People have matured since school.
Wrong. There will be people chair surfing down hills, going to the supermarket in pyjamas and who find cooking pasta a monumental feat of engineering.
However the hype isn’t all lies…
Students are lazy
Seeing more than two hours of daylight is something to be proud of and having a 9am class just means you accept failing that module.
Students are stingy
Paying a whole £1.50 for a cloakroom? Obviously the solution is to adopt a northern accent, pretend to be hardy and face the bitter sea wind without a jacket.
Students are messy
Student kitchens are just glorified labs, cultivating strange new alien life forms. ‘Food hygiene’ is not in everyone’s vocabulary.
Uni without naps will kill you
Students are like cats. They are most active between dusk and dawn and need to conserve all their energy for these twilight hours.
It’s the time of your life
Forget the fresher’s flu, the first-term wobble, and the bloody 25 bus! Uni fucking rocks.