The Sussex Hunger Games

Replace the dystopian future of Panem with Sussex Campus; the fight for life becomes the fight for price deducted goods at the Co-op, the 13 Districts reflect the different accommodations, and Library Square is our very own ‘Capitol’.

Envisage a world where not all cliques live in such amicable unity as we do today. It takes some imagination, I know, but lets just sit back and pretend for a moment that not everyone see’s my Drama Freaks friends as the well-meaning and enthusiastic creatures that they are, let’s imagine that Rugby Boiz aren’t the soft-bellied warm-hearted teetotal teddies we know and love. If we placed Sussex’s very own cliques against each other, who will win and who will die? Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the First Annual Sussex Hunger Games. Place your bets; this is not a drill.

Drama Freaks

Let’s start by introducing you to the herd. First we have the lovingly termed Drama Freaks. Naively optimistic, these lovable little fluffs can be easily identified by their home coloured rainbow hair, and their slightly crusty leg warmers. Like Pokémon, you do have to catch them all. They very much operate in packs, owing to their main Achilles heel: Fear Of Missing Out. They are most easily broken by everyday household objects such as hair brushes and alarm clocks. You will not be short of allies trying to take Kool & the Gang down.

Exhibit A: You can spot a drama freak by their love for novelty headwear

Rugby Jocks

To the left we have the Career Tributes, also known as the somewhat illegal Rugby Jocks. It’s very easy to differentiate a regular over-gymed fellow from a Rugby Jock; if you bet him 50p to drink gone-off milk out of one of his own socks and he agrees, he’s Rugby. RJs are most vulnerable any time after 11pm on a Wednesday. You will find them in and around Oceana, and the ladies therein.

Exhibit B: They like to get topless at any given opportunity

Social Science Students

Next we find the Insomniacs, Liberal Arts students and Vampires, for that is what we must assume they are. Perpetually slim because they only ever eat dinner, these tributes are hard to find but easy to topple. Never seen in daylight other than in Fat Poppadaddy’s and/or Secret Discotheque promo shots. Sleep is their main weakness; find a sleeping Philosophy student and you’re home and dry.

Exhibit C: They can and will sleep anywhere

Exchange Students

And finally, we come to the biggest and most dominant pack of all; The Exchange Students. Rigorously trained for combat before they’ve even left Terminal 5 Business arrivals, these kids are serious. Traveling in hoards across campus, they are secretive and deadly. Don’t think you’ll win by getting one on it’s own either; these wiley SOBs will cute you out of any intentions you may have previously had. In short; they are unbeatable. They have no cracks in their armour. You’re fighting a losing battle.

Exhibit D: Working, cleaning, and staying warm. They will win