I live in Gosford Gate and I’m not a posh wanker
I’m not paying £6000 a year for a bad reputation
Living in Gosford Gate comes with the assumption that you’re a posh twat (and also from Surrey). But this couldn't be more wrong.
Just because we’re privileged enough to have a Sainsbury’s next door doesn’t mean we’re all living off daddy's money and driving Fiat 500s. In fact, residents of Gosford are just as bad any other student halls. If not worse. I just happen to pay upwards of £6000 and you don't.
My fridge is empty and the fire alarms are constant
Yes, we live next to a Sainsbury’s. No, I can’t be arsed to actually cook.
While our flats do boast a kitchen island with hidden storage, our drawers don’t actually hold vegetable spiralizers and various sized tea strainers. Literally no one in Gosford can cook, hence why there's nearly five fire alarms per day.
Not to mention that all of our loan goes on accommodation fees so our fridges are permanently empty… apart from the occasional beer and left over Dominos garlic and herb dip. Can you really call me posh now?
Our nights out are messier than yours
Pres here are pretty wavy to say the least. We're not sat around drinking Merlot and discussing Chaucer. Really we're just like you, doing tequila shots with our stolen salt and pepper shakers from Spoons and playing ring of fire with a soggy pack of giffgaff cards.
Even when we run out of mixers we find a way to get messy. Let us present to you the new Gosford Gate classic cocktail – malibu and milk. A smooth concoction of cream and coconut, low budget Piña Coladas are the way to go when all your money has gone on rent.
It's like living in an asylum
From the wandering herds of roadmen gravitating towards the bright lights of our common room to our resident chicken person, Gosford is a knock off petting zoo filled with screeching drunkards who come to life at 4am.
“Piss off, I can still hear you in the bloody corridor” became the catchphrase for three consecutive weeks since freshers.
Not to mention the “our doors are always open” phrase has become way too literal with all the mutuals of mutuals lined up outside the doors waiting to get in for pres. You'd think there would be more security for such a pricey halls, but no. In Gosford, you are your own security.
We're just a downgraded Millennium view with less floors
In reality Gosford Gate is nowhere near the standards of Millenium View’s towering beauty – and their Sainsbury’s doesn’t charge 2 quid for a ketchup bottle. That's real privilege, and yet they don't get smacked with the Posh Twat label.
Besides being in a prime location to witness all the 4am beef as students try not get hit by cars at the roundabout, living at Gosford Gate is actually pretty peak.
Nevertheless, we acknowledge the less-than-6-grand accommodations with envy and reach out to our fellow students with meaningful sophisticated gestures…
So next time you're thinking of chatting shit about Gosford residents and our so called "privilege" remember that we never asked for this label, and that you should be grateful you're not paying upwards of six grand just for an island in your kitchen and some pool tables downstairs.
Please, we beg of you, start bullying Millennium View residents instead.