What your Cov Uni sports society says about you

Seriously tho why do all the netball girls look the same?


If you’re familiar with the fragile social tiers of Gossip Girl and High School Musical, then you’re just about ready to join a sports society at Coventry University!

Heads up freshers, the society you join will determine your social standing at uni for the next three years, so choose wisely.

Rugby League

Wow this is totally masculine not vaguely homoerotic at all

Wow this is totally masculine not vaguely homoerotic at all

If you prefer socials to the actual sport then rugby league is just for you! No matter how decent your score is on the BUCS tables, you’ll never receive the regard of Rugby Union. You've got a pretty face that you're too scared of damaging – you don’t know what real rugby is and you don’t need to.

Also you’re probably from Surrey.

Rugby Union

You put on two stone in freshers yet somehow still manage to pull

You put on two stone in freshers yet somehow still manage to pull

Let’s be honest, Ollie Kitto is the only reason you beat Warwick during Varsity and if you say otherwise, you’re definitely in Rugby Union.

You love the taste of piss and you basically live at Ivy House. You might as well slap on a neon muscle tee with some Greek letters on it because you’re the British equivalent of an American frat boy in his prime.

At the root of it, Rugby Union will always refuse to accept that the finger up their bum is anything more than a cheeky initiation challenge.

Netball

Football and rugby, front of the queue!

Football and rugby, front of the queue!

You’re a little scary and not even Rugby Union party as hard as you. You’ve got perfectly straight blonde hair and even when you’re painted head to toe green and dressed as a frog, you’ll be damned if you’re not out at Empire in your signature MAC Ruby Woo red lipstick.

American Football

If football and rugby had a love-child

If football and rugby had a love-child

You know what they say, Rugby Union's got the netballers, Rugby League's got the cheerleaders, and American football? Well, there's always your right hand.

As if there weren’t enough of you in America already… all that extra padding and protection, it’s almost like you’re overcompensating for something.

The only people that think you’re cool, are you. Even your mum’s disappointed you don’t play a better sport.

Hockey

If there were awards for least dramatic, we're sure you'd win

If there were awards for least dramatic, we're sure you'd win

Similar to American Football, you'll always be in the shadow of the football and rugby boys. But at least you’re posh, so you've got that going for you.

No one is really sure who decided we needed field hockey when ice hockey already exists, but you don't really cause any harm. You can stay I guess.

Women's Rugby

Say goodbye to jeans that actually fit

Say goodbye to jeans that actually fit

Surprisingly giving scrum caps and mouth guards a ‘feminine’ hot pink makeover does not actually make them fashionable accessories. But we respect you nonetheless.

Being in women’s rugby is like being in the mafia, once you’re in, you’re in for life. Despite the negative stereotypes, you’re genuinely badass .

Football

Sesh is life, but fancy dress? Not so much

Sesh is life, but fancy dress? Not so much

Basically you’re just really half assed on social nights. The pinnacle of your fancy dress is wearing the same boring Arsenal and German National Team jerseys on a weekly basis – you’re not fooling anyone mate.

Make no mistake, just because you’re not dressed like an Oompa Loompa doesn’t mean you’re any more likely to pull.

Cheerleading and Dance

You love drama, you cause drama, you ARE the drama

You love drama, you cause drama, you ARE the drama

You finally convinced your parents to let you watch Bring It On when you were 13 and you took it all too literally. While the rest of us ditched cliques and the status quo back in college, seems you’ll do anything to keep it alive and well.

Freshers thinking of joining cheerleading will quickly learn of the fragile power dynamic: If you’ve joined cheer and dance because you seriously enjoy the sport then get ready to be ignored by the second and third years for an entire term.

If you make it to second year, not only do you have incredible self-control, but you’ll become exactly like the girls you hated last year.