Which Made in Chelsea character is your uni?

It’s a Monday ritual: after the heavy slog of the first day of the week, that familiar M83 tune begins and all your worries wash away.

Made in Chelsea has the power to unite even the most unfriendly of housemates, as every week students up and down the country come together to see what Binky, Lucy et al have been up to this week.

But what if Made in Chelsea happened at uni? Wonder no more – this is who your uni would be in MIC.

Cambridge – Spencer

You’re a dick, with your sweepy hair and your self-congratulatory grin. Your behaviour towards women is dickish, the way you snake your friends is dickish – the very way you live your life, moving from smarmy anecdote to smug bitchy comment, is dickish.

So why does everybody want to be you?

Anglia Ruskin – The French busker Caggie dates

You will never be as good as Cambridge.

Oxford – Caggie

Forever known as Cambridge’s love rival, there’s something about you which takes everyone’s breath away – whether it be your dreaming spires or the cute way you flutter your eyelids while singing at definitely-not-staged pub open mic sessions.

We know we have no chance, and that just makes us want you more.

Oxford Brookes – Funda

You will never be as good as Oxford.

Leeds – Jamie

Blonde, fun-loving and filled with child-like enthusiasm, you took to Leeds like a perma-tanned man-child in a sweet shop.

A few years later you’re still having just as much fun, although you’ve swapped siggy rings for backwards caps and pear drops from Candy Kittens for a different kind of candy at Canal Mills.

Leeds Beckett – Jamie’s sunglasses

Always getting chewed up and spat out by Leeds.

Manchester – Proudlock

You’re the calmer, cooler, better-collected version of Leeds – although your travels around Koh Phangan and Laos have left you with some questionable tattoos.

You’ve set up your own clothing label, sure, but what are you going to do when tank tops go out of fashion?

Durham – Francis Boulle

Wholesome but ultimately the most boring people in the world.

Northumbria – Agne

Better looking than Durham and Newcastle, you can’t really keep up with them on an academic level. They struggle to keep up with you too, but that’s probably just the accent.

Newcastle – The painting which combines Jamie, Proudlock and Francis’ face

You’ve tried so desperately to combine the cleverness of Durham, the coolness of Manchester and the popularity of Leeds, but all you’ve ended up with is a weird mishmash degree which no-one wants to hang on their wall.

Lincoln – Cheska

Oh my god Cheska please stop talking. Whether it’s by the bar in Raffles or crying when you get too drunk in Engine Shed, literally nobody cares what you think.

UCL – Old Ollie Locke

The pride of London, there’s nothing you enjoy more than making heads turn as you stroll into Loop in your Union Jack chinos.

Sure, people might make fun of you for fancying yourself a bit – but with such a glorious head of hair, who wouldn’t want to show off?

KCL – New Ollie Locke

You’re not quite as bombastic as your UCL counterparts, and you’re certainly not as fond of the finer things in life (ie. fun).

That said, you still like to cut loose at Walkabout every so often – albeit it without causing too much of a scene.

London Met – The Ollie Locke lookalike from Gabriella’s music video

You’re not really London, are you? You’re just London by proxy, and anyone who ends up with you as their first choice is going to end up wishing they tried harder and got UCL.

LSE – Chloe Green

Face it, you’re only here because your dad is rich.

Imperial – The guy Ollie went on a date with

Ohhhh yeah, we forgot about them.

St Andrews – Mark-Francis

You own secateurs, you had your first bronze bust made before you were 25, and you once stopped being friends with someone because they owned a sleeping bag.

And don’t even mention the time you thought Nando’s was a wine bar.

Edinburgh – Victoria

Not quite as posh as St Andrews but trying their level best, and nobody can really make out what they’re saying with that accent.

Glasgow – Sophie Hermann

No, not Mark Francis. No, not Victoria either. She’s the other posh one – remember?

Stirling – Gabilicious

Is that a real name?

QUB – Binky

Big hair, big lashes, tan, fun. Binky is slightly separate from the rest of the MIC cast/mainland UK. She’s the everyman of the group.

Everyone would want to go on a night out with her, even if it was in Box rather than Mahiki.

UUJ – Binky’s mum

Let’s be honest, you’re not Binky, and yes, some people fast forward past your parts of the show and think you don’t deserve to truly live in the Holylands.

But that doesn’t mean you’re not good craic. Plus you’re never without a drink in your hand.

NYU – Alik

Artsy, American, and just a bit full-on. Like every Tisch student on the Upper East Side, Alik is well dressed but with little below the surface.

And much like when an NYU student graduates with their obscure art majors, there’s a lot of “Yeah, I know it’s like leatherwork Alik, but what do you actually do?”

UCSB – Stephanie Pratt

From LA but more fun than UCLA, beach babe Steph is more at home lounging on the beach in Santa Barbara, or bitching about the presence of horses at Deltopia/whatever Josh has done to her this week.

Leicester – Josh

Whether it’s doing an American Studies degree just to be closer to your UCSB crush, or not allowing friends round your Clarendon house in case they mess up the carpets, something’s becoming quite clear about you, Leicester: you’re a total psychopath.

Liverpool – Tiff

Blonde, innocent and younger than your years, it’s a shame you have to spend so much of your time dealing with the kind of fuckboys you meet at Juicy.

JMU – Toff

Like a weirder, rowdier version of Liverpool.

Everyone on their year abroad – Kimberly

Here’s hoping your boyfriend doesn’t find out about Diego.

Nottingham – Stevie

For one of the main players, you’re completely lacking in character. If the Russell Group is a Steph and Josh kissing in a boutique shop window, you’re the guy with the shit hair watching gloomily from the pavement outside.

Trent – JP

A fitter but dumber Nottingham, “JP” is exactly the sort of name you often hear shouted by topless men across the Ocean dancefloor.

Coventry – Harney

Looooool.

Aberystwyth – Fredrik Ferrier

They’re blonde and pale and could be surf-esque if they wanted to be (they’re near the coast) but for some reason both the Aberystwyth student body and Fredrik look like plants that have been left to grow in the dark.

York – Alex Mytton

Pretty fit, pretty chilled, pretty boring after more than two minutes of conversation.

You’re York not just because you’re a good-looking dullard, but also because the top of your head looks like the ducks in the campus lake.

Bristol – Jess

Slightly edgier than UWE/Phoebe, has a nose ring, is blonde, probably wears quite a lot of glitter and wanders around looking for bottles of water in Motion or Bodos.

UWE – Phoebe

Like a version of Jess who literally does not give a shit what you think.

Cardiff – Professor Green

You’re in the Russell Group/on Made in Chelsea, but you literally could not look more out of place.

USW – Millie

Unlike your Cardiff brethren, you’re more than happy in front of the camera – probably because you’re a bit dim and you spent three hours on your makeup.

RHUL – Lucy Watson

There are a lot of girls up in Egham, and on the MIC cast. Eventually you’ve got to rise above the petty gossip, get used to the tears on nights out, become desensitised to the drama when someone fancies someone else’s ex.

RHUL know this. They’ve perfected their technique of emotional unavailability and well-practiced eye roll. Plus they’re probably the most fashionable ones of the bunch.

UCLan and Lancaster – These guys

Who?

Sheffield – James

It’s all there, right? The looks, the muscles, the “nice guy” attitude – but you’re just a bit of a drip.

Corp is fun for you, sure, but you’ve got to bring more to the table than the story about the time you chundered after trying the rainbow pint challenge.

Birmingham – Rosie Fortescue

If you were pressed to describe Made in Chelsea to an outsider, someone who had never seen it before, how would you begin to explain Rosie? What does she do? Who are her friends? What’s she all about?

Nobody knows because she’s insipid and uninteresting, much like Birmingham, sat in the middle of the Russell Group, contributing no fun or excitement.

Stare at Old Joe for the next three years and wait for your time to graduate/ditch Rosie so you can go on a night out with someone more fun, with less awkward silences.

Aston – Fran Newman-Young

A more boring Birmingham.

BCU – Amber Atherton

An even more boring Birmingham.

UEA – Hugo

Some might say inoffensive, others might say bland: if one thing’s for sure, it’s that UEA wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Except for that time they cheated on Millie with (shudder) Rosie, but what happens in the LCR stays in the LCR. Right?

Warwick  – Lauren Hutton

Remember Spencer’s girlfriend Lauren? No? Yeah, you remember her. She always looked like she could smell something really bad that nobody else could. You were grateful when he cheated on her and the storyline ended, just like you’ll be grateful at the end of a night out in Leamington.

Spencer will cheat again, and the rest of the Russell Group will ignore you, because neither Lauren nor Warwick make a real impact on anyone.

Loughborough – Lonan

You’re ripped, sure, but beyond that no-one can quite work out who you are or why you exist at all.

Exeter – Louise

Exeter is populated by lots of Louises – as in, small posh girls who spend their time moaning about boys.

Sure, they cry a lot, but wouldn’t you if you were miles away from Guildford and your mum forgot to order your Ocado delivery again?

Plymouth – Sam Thompson

Not as good as your sister really, is it? You bring shame on your family and the south west.

Falmouth – Andy

You’re a “creative” – as in, you’ve smoked a bit of weed and you spent one summer trying to set up your own T-shirt company.

Now you spend your time surfing, lusting after Exeter, surfing some more, and flaring your nostrils as you stare out to sea.

Essex – Sam Cussins

Oii oii Cheska, bladdy hell, I fort we were jus frends innit so wot’s all dis nonsense bout us goin’ for a drink or wotnot!?

Sussex – Richard

If you added in a nose ring and some harem pants, this would look like every girl at Sussex.

Hull – Every awkward silence in the show

Painful.