It’s really hypocritical for people who drink loads to criticise drug users

Nah, there’s not much worse in life than having an argument about drugs with people who’ve never done any. They’re the people who always want to have the argument though aren’t they? And they always tend to be the people who think nothing of going out, drinking ten pints, snapchatting themselves puking outside a chicken shop (big letter caption: my body is a temple) and then coming home to reprimand you for doing half a gram of mandy once a month.

Imagine a typical bad club experience, somewhere like Timepiece in Exeter, Lounge in Bristol, Ocean in Nottingham. Imagine you’re in the club, you’re wasted and it’s going off. The room is dark and smokey and sweaty, something nostalgic, something like Mr Brightside is coming out of the speakers. Half a dozen, sticky, sickly Jägerbombs down, preceded by the bottle of vodka at pres – you’ve tranquillized yourself into thinking you’re having a good time. So have your mates: they’re taking shirts off, grinding on girls, buying more drinks. If they don’t get laid, they’ll be having a kebab.

He drank too much last night

Now imagine you can step outside yourself a thousand times and you can watch your behaviour in this place, sober. What do you see? You see people screaming at each other because they can’t make conversation properly. They don’t understand words anymore. You watch in horror as girls get off with gross, handsy guys in the hope it means they will be left alone. A guy called Dean is fighting with a guy called Nathan because Nathan apparently touched Dean’s girlfriend’s arse. Grinding and aggression, testosterone and, most importantly alcohol.

Do you know what you forfeit if this is your scene, if it has ever been your scene? The right to have a go at people who smoke weed or take pills. A group of mates who’re playing music they like, who’ve put a sock over the smoke alarm, who’ve rolled up a couple of blunts – I mean, they’re not exactly a threat to society are they? Exactly the same sentiment applies to euphoria chasing MD users, asking each others names, telling each other how much they love the music, the night and each other. I’ve never seen these people shit themselves, or throw up all over themselves in bed, or fight other people. They’re nowhere near as aggressive or as illogical as drinkers, they’re far less likely to do themselves or others any real harm.

You might say I’m getting on my high horse here. You’d be right. I’m getting on my horse, taking it around the paddock a few times and riding it off into the sunset. Because fundamentally, even though weed and pills are illegal, and their use shouldn’t be condoned or whatever, people who’ve done both know the truth: alcohol is much worse.