People who leave house parties to go clubbing are the worst

House beers aren’t for the road

After spending your adolescence praying for someone’s, anyone’s, parents to go away for a night so you could have a house party, you would think we’d be grateful for any that come our way.

So why do we keep leaving house parties to go clubbing? A good house party takes a lot of love to prepare. Hours are spent hand-crafting the perfect playlists, ready for every vibe, house beers bought as well as cheap spirits for your picky friends. 

You message that guy from halls who is kind of pretentious and annoying, but also has a full set of decks and speakers, trying really hard to nail the vibe of dingy student house party. 

No expense spared

Instead of all of our house parties being heaving, packed successes all night, they peter out at around midnight, when you notice that most of your guests have left.

And where have they gone? To the club, right in time for free entry after using your lovingly planned house party as pre drinks.

To make matters worse, it’s for a club night that happens every single week. House parties don’t come along nearly as often and they’re infinitely better than clubbing. Why pay to get into a squashed club to be around strangers when you could stay at the house party, where there’s no entry fee and you can make drinks as strong as you like?

Every room you walk into offers a new adventure that no club ever could: a drunk guy is trying to have a philosophical discussion in the kitchen with two stoned guys you vaguely know from halls, while Brian, who came alone, is snorting a line of a mystery white powder off the counter. Everyone in the living room is dancing, and Katie sneaks away from her friends to quietly throw up in the downstairs loo. Steph and Derek are shagging in the attic room where they think no one will notice. It’s all part of the fun.

It doesn’t last for long

At a club, you’re never ready to go home when the lights come on. Never. Cut out the middle man and stay at the house party, the place where the party never has to end.

When you use parties as pre drinks, it forces the party to start at the time the Facebook event actually says (which we all know is not the time you’re supposed to arrive). The party, bizarrely, peaks at around 10pm, when those getting taxis are at optimum drunk level and the true party goers are still at Phase 1 drunkenness. 

Suddenly, come 11.30, your once-thriving house party has now whittled down to an undesirable mixture of people including the housemates, their close friends who were too nice to leave, the people who peaked too early and got abandoned by their own friends, and those weirdos who “don’t like clubbing”.

This is the vibe you’re left with

Then it gets really bleak. The music suddenly seems too loud, it’s awkward and you can’t really find a way to politely ask them to leave. 

If you use house parties as pre drinks, you are the cause of this sad scenario. And don’t think you can rejoin the party at 3am and treat it as an after party, either.