Give state school kids easier offers, says government report

State school kids should get lower grade offers from universities, according to a government report.

The study – published by the Department of Education – said comprehensive school students deserve preferential treatment to compete with private school kids.

And the report said comprehensive school pupils – also known as “90% of people” – actually perform better at uni on the whole than private school kids of the same standard.

The report is a slap in the face to the Dickensian schooling system in Britain, where your best chance of getting into Oxbridge is if your dad’s called Barnaby and your home address is a name not a number.

But critics argue the study fails to account for the hardships that will be faced by private school students, such as what to engrave on your iPad or which part of Africa to build a school in.

The report, which was authored by the Institute for Fiscal Studies alongside Warwick University’s Claire Crawford, says: “University entry requirements could be lowered for pupils from non-selective or low-value-added state schools in order to equalise the potential of all students being admitted to university”.

In other words, give the poor a fucking chance you elitist pricks.

Research shows students from non-selective comprehensive schools were less likely to drop out of University and 10% more likely to get a good degree, compared with students from private schools with the same exam grades and background.

The crammer- post exam

The study may spark a welcome equality reform in the Education system in Britain, which is nearing a Hunger Games style competition for University Degrees, with Michael Gove as President Snow sitting on a throne of crushed dreams presiding over the damned (philosophy students).

Dr Wendy Piatt, director general of the Russell Group (she is as scary as she sounds) dismissed the report, saying “Candidates’ academic success is already considered in a broader context”, before taking another sip of blood from her student skull.

The report does suggest a narrowing gap in performance between students from comprehensive and private schools, but for the poor students who don’t own pet horses and don’t have dads named Barnaby at least, it looks like it’ll be a while before the Russell Group cut you any slack.