Stirling Student Union election results

It’s a well-known fact in Stirling that nobody ever has a good night out in Envy – unless you win on election night.

What amounted to a list of ten names was dragged out last night to about three hours in the dingy campus nightclub.

Those ten names, the winners of the Stirling Student Union election, are:

• Paddy Wilson, Sports Participation & Engagement Officer
• Jenny Lester, Health Promotion Officer
• Paige Turner, Sports Communications Officer
• Barry Febers, Engagement Officer
• Chris Ball, Student Trustee
• Sammy Reynolds, Environment & Ethics Officer
• Lauren McKay, VP Education
• Lauren Marriott, VP Communities
• Amy McDermott, Union President
• Chris Priddle, Sports President

Not pictured: Barry. He wasn’t there.

Over 2000 votes were cast, but it only adds up to just 21.17% of Stirling’s apathetic (or perhaps disillusioned) students bothering to vote for even one person.

The night’s proceedings kicked off, as all good election coverage does, with improvisational comedy from the Stirling University Drama Society’s Improveteers gang, who are currently seeking donations to help them go to this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

“Jump the chasm!” shouts Ross Menzies

The Improveteers played to an audience who, mostly, either could not hear them or did not want to, as evidenced by the alarmingly high number of exceptionally rude people who carried on chatting while the SUDS folk tried their best to raise a smile.

Afterwards, every election candidate was given a prize of some sort or another (a toilet brush for Chris Priddle, condoms for Jenny Lester, and so on…) – presumably to stop them feeling awful if/when they didn’t get elected.

Well, why not?

The Sports President race was the closest, running through four stages of the AV system until Priddle was finally voted as the winner. Sarah Nelson, Clare Rafferty and Jack Day were eliminated in that order.

Lauren McKay makes a speech after she’s elected

Amy thanks the crowd

Priddle makes his speech amid cheers

Amy McDermott has apparently already resorted to violence before her term even begins. Just call her Frank Underwood…

After the results had all been announced – to deafening cheers – the newly elected took to Studio to celebrate with booze. The hockey boys were heard chanting, but only to celebrate their president Chris Priddle’s victory and not to make wisecracks about miscarriages: truly, this is a new age for Stirling.

The new Sabbatical officers decided to all do karaoke at the same time, and ‘treated’ the pub to a rendition of Shania Twain’s Man! I Feel Like A Woman.

“Get a little outta line, I ain’t gonna act politically correct!” Well, you said it, guys.