Jade Love

Jade prides herself on being the only working-class LGBT woman fighting for your vote – and if that’s not enough, she’s the only candidate with pink hair.

Summarise what the job of President is in one sentence.

Bloody hard work!

Why are you better than the other candidates for the job?

I would say that I have the ‘advantage’ as such is that I have the experience. If I’m elected I will be chairing the liberation zone, I’ve been working with liberation my whole university career and I know exactly what this university and what the union needs in terms of liberation.

What’s your most-played song on iTunes?

I’ve got two. My most-played song in the past while has been Superfreak by Beatfreakz.

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Do you know the film Little Miss Sunshine? There’s a girl, she’s about 8, she does a dance in a pageant that’s quite raunchy to this song – I would recommend that you look it up, it’s really, really funny. And O Children by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, it’s one of my favourite songs if not my favourite song.

What is the one change you can’t wait to bring about?

I’m quite excited for the discussion about the NUS. I’m excited about the discussion and also the change in the reform in terms of interacting more with liberation groups.

If you could be a sea creature, what would you be?

A narwhal – the thing with the horn like unicorns. I love unicorns.

Have you ever had a paranormal experience?

Yes! It was in the Edinburgh dungeons, I went with school. We went into the room there’s a big stone circle and one of my friends thought it’d be fun to jump in this big stone circle that all these bad souls are in. So he pops in and we’re all like “oh my god, don’t do it, don’t do it, you’re going to die!” So he pops back out, I was pure clinging to his arms because we’re scared and we came back out and I had bruises up my arm and a kind of scratch. And someone had been… I felt in the actual dungeon that someone had been running their hands up and down my leg and by my knee. Groped by a ghost!

Some people don’t vote. Why should they?

It’s important to get engaged with the union because it’s everywhere you look. It’s not just a case of this tiny section in the Robbins centre, it’s to do with your classes, your timetables, to do with whether you smoke! I saw your report about the smoking general meeting, it was quite a laugh.

How far are you willing to go to be elected?

What do you mean “how far”? Breaking rules or sleeping with the enemy or…? As far as I’m allowed to go, we’re allowed to bend the rules, not break them.

You’ve got loads of tattoos – what’s your favourite?

I’ve got a few favourites. One of my favourite ones would be the Donnie Darko one on my foot – Frank the bunny.

How will an independent Scotland affect the Eurovision Song Contest?

Hmm. Obviously Scotland would have a separate entry, but then we could hold the Eurovision Song Contest in Envy. So it could be good that way for us!

Finish the sentences…

Good girls don’t: (argh! I don’t know)

The scariest thing in the world is: the dark

When I was young I: was boring

Oscar Pistorius is: a troubled man

Australia is not: cold

David Bowie is: an interesting character

The Tab deserves: a medal

Vote for me because: you know I can do the best possible job possible

You can read Jade’s full manifesto here.

Amy McDermott

Amy has little experience of working in the union, but she’s so passionate about the job that she has already changed her name on Twitter to @PresidentAmy.

Summarise what the job of president is in one sentence.

To be the representative of every single student at the university.

Why are you better than the other candidates?

This is a mean question, I got asked this earlier. I feel that my advantage over the other candidates is that I’ve got a very wide ranging student experience. I can represent people from a wide variety of different areas.

What is the one change you can’t wait to bring about?

To make Envy really good for all the clubs and societies, for meetings, for all that sort of thing. Keeping it as a nightclub, of course you can’t really get rid of that. It doesn’t get used enough through the day; it needs to be used.

What’s your most-played song on iTunes?

I use Spotify, so I think it might be Manic Street Preachers – Books From Boxes.

(THE TAB CALLS BULLSHIT ON THIS, NO SUCH SONG, MAXIMO PARK SANG THIS SONG.)

What’s your porn star name?

Gus Johnston.

Who was the best Bond?

I can never remember his name, he’s the one that only did two of them… Timothy Dalton.

Why are you running?

I feel that it would be a great opportunity for me to make students aware of what the union does. I think it took me a long time to that decision.

Have you ever brainwashed someone?

No. Although I feel by the look in your eye that’s you’re trying to brainwash me.

Over the past year, what union policies have you agreed or disagreed with?

It’s difficult cause it’s not policy as such… I think they did a good job of getting rid of old ones that were redundant, so that’s really, really positive.

Crash Bandicoot or Spyro the Dragon?

Crash Bandicoot, no question.

Would Transformers buy life insurance or car insurance?

Life insurance – they have a heart.

Finish the sentences…

Good girls don’t: cry

The scariest thing in the world is: a monster

When I was young I: wanted to be a radio presenter

Oscar Pistorious is: I have no idea

Australia is not: a place that I have been

David Bowie is: a fantastic human being

The Tab deserves: to be given more readership

Vote for me because: I think that I will do a really good job of Union President and I’m really interested in making it fair, representative and interesting for every single student

You can read Amy’s full manifesto here.

Conn O’Neill

He has a reputation as a stickler for the rules in general meetings and his manifesto is a thoroughly-explained 64 pages. Oh yeah, and he likes owls.

Summarise the job of President in one sentence.

Making this university actually work in students’ interests.

Why are you better than the other candidates?

Because I’m capable, committed and credible.

What’s your favourite breakfast?

Potato scones, sausage and beans. Vegetarian sausage, because I’m vegetarian.

Why are you running?

Because I’ve learnt a lot in my role as International Students Officer about improving the student experience for international students. I think that if I become responsible for the interests of all students I’ll be able to make a real difference.

What are you running from?

The ██████████████. You’re not allowed to put that in. No! No! No, no, no. No. You can’t put that in. You mustn’t put that in. I’m running from a swarm of owls.

Have you ever brainwashed someone?

If I have, I’m not going to tell you.

How will an independent Scotland affect the Eurovision Song Contest?

Oh this is a serious issue, actually. I was at a friend’s house in Stirling – an old man. And he had an awful lot of people around who were Better Together supporters – he had a few Yes supporters there as well.  And I saw a tweet that evening that Eurovison confirmed that Scotland would be allowed to apply for entry. I announced it and I told them “the game was up”. They didn’t take the joke as well as I did. Eurovision is really serious and I’m a huge Eurovision fan. I think if we can… maybe it would give the British Isles another shot, so it’s a good thing.

What union policies over the last year have you strongly agreed or disagreed with?

I strongly disagree with the union’s decision to take a stance on CND. I don’t think that’s the sort of thing that our union should be putting its time and effort into. I strongly agree with the policy presented by Aodhan Byrne that the union meetings, all the public meetings, should vary the day and time that they’re on so that they are accessible to more students.

What is your most-played song on iTunes?

Proud by Heather Small

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What’s your porn star name?

Hermione Stevenson.

If you could be a sea creature, what would you be?

Probably a clownfish. Because I quite like the way they can show the anemones who’s the boss.

If you like it, should you put a ring on it?

Ah, well I can show you actually! This is really quite handy that I happened to have this in my bag…

An owl ring! I bought it in the Highlands yesterday as a gift for a friend.

What’s the one change you can’t wait to bring about?

I think I’m most excited to start putting ‘service’ back into Residential Services. Residential Services are abusing their monopoly position. For example, ASH ten years ago for an ensuite bedroom cost £50 a week. It now costs about £115. If it was just going up with inflation it would be somewhere around £90 now – so you’ve got to account for that extra £25.

And they’re generally just pretty shit towards students.

Crash Bandicoot or Spyro the Dragon?

Not heard of either of them.

Some people don’t vote. Why should they?

Because an ineffectual president and an ineffectual union executive team means that students don’t get represented properly to the university and the university are able to make decisions based on vague ideas and stereotypes they have about students.

Finish the sentences…

Good girls don’t: cry

The scariest thing in the world is: the Wallace Monument

When I was young I: went to school

Oscar Pistorius: a bad man

Australia is not: New Zealand

David Bowie is: not always right

The Tab deserves: all our respect

Vote for me because: I’m Conn, I’m capable, committed, credible, Conn.

You can read Conn’s full, 64-page “Connception of the future” here.

And don’t forget to check up on how they voted playing Fuck, Marry, Kill and Re-Elect with the current Sabbatical team!