The 15 types of St Andrews student you’ll find on Valentine’s Day
This is your reminder to make plans if it usually passes you by
This holiday is either joyous and full of love or the single most emotional day of the year, there is no in-between. The supermarkets have been taken over by heart-shaped chocolates and teddy bears for weeks as people prepare for their Valentine’s day plans (or lack thereof).
You have likely experienced an array of Valentine’s days in your lifetime, and you’ll have noticed people act differently every year. Here’s your guide to the different types of St Andrews student you can find on February 14th.
The one who spends their evening with Ben and Jerry
This person spends the evening sitting in bed with their one true love, ice cream. To be honest, it’s probably the closest thing to chocolate getting its own holiday so can you blame them? You can guarantee they will be spooning away while sobbing along to The Notebook – when you think you’re only halfway through, but the spoon hits the bottom of the tub you know it’s a bad sign.
They can be spotted walking out of Morrison’s with a couple of tubs of cookie dough ice cream (not the low-calorie stuff this is a special occasion), after all they are usually buy one get one half price this time of year. How convenient!
The one who forgot
This person wakes up on Valentine’s Day morning with a sinking feeling when they look at their phone and realise it’s THE DAY. They need to come up with something fast to avoid getting into serious trouble with their significant other.
It’s definitely too late to get flowers delivered so this person can be found running down Market Street to grab a last-minute card and a Me to You toy bear from Tesco. Best bet is to grab a fudge donut from Fischer and Donaldson on your way past because no one can be mad once they’ve had one.
The one who got totally spoilt and wants you to know about it
This person is still in the throws of new-found love or in a very affectionate relationship. They are having a Valentine’s Day fit for a Hallmark channel film and they don’t mind rubbing it in on their Instagram stories.
Their partner has pulled out all the stops for them this year: Cue two dozen red roses, an obscenely large teddy bear and dinner reservations at the Seafood Ristorante.
The one who plans on drinking the whole day
This person has no V Day plans besides drowning their sorrows in cheap wine. They will talk about how drunk they are going to get every single day of the week leading up to it and you can be certain they will be attending their 9am lecture with a very sore head on February 15th.
The group of girls who take over the ‘gram with their Galantine’s day plans
This is arguably the best kind of Valentine’s Day, you just have to hope that a healthy number of your girls aren’t coupled up so you can celebrate being single together. They have bought each other chocolate and flowers and their Instagram game couldn’t be stronger.
These girls can be found sharing their disastrous dating stories while sipping on multiple cocktails in The Saint.
The one accidentally in a new relationship
This person probably met someone at a party the weekend before Valentine’s and has now found themselves in a brand-new relationship – right before February 14th! They face the stress of deciding how to go about making plans for the day – will a Moonpig card be enough or do you have to book a table for two at Mitchell’s?
The match maker
This person is usually in a happy relationship themselves (and probably a bit bored of the same old Valentine’s Day plans) so goes out of their way to ensure their friends have secured dates for the big day. They are far more excited about the whole ordeal than you are, having set you up with their friend’s boyfriend’s brother.
In the pre-Covid days they would have been scouting 601 for decent matches, however this year they’ll most likely be sending you their socials and you’ll have to brave it from there.
The one in a committed relationship
We’re all either sickened by or jealous of this couple who spend the whole day banging on about how grateful they are for each other. You can guarantee to wake up to a selection of loved up pics on their Insta’s captioned “my fave human” or “my world”.
Sometimes we secretly want to be them because let’s face it, they are cute. However, we really don’t enjoy the displays of affection across the room while we’re trying to enjoy our heart shaped Pret pastry.
The one who calls it ‘singles awareness day’
This person is determined to ignore the soppiness happening around them and declare the day for singletons. Valentine’s Day is their chance to remind everyone how single they are (just in case you’d forgotten) and that they are totally okay with it.
You’ll find this person in Main Bar at 2am desperate to go one with someone – anyone.
The desperate one
So, the match maker has set up all their other mates up on dates and there is no one left to be matched with. This person hates the thought of spending this day of all days alone so can be found frantically scrolling through Tinder from around February 1st with a two-week mission to bag themselves a V Day date.
If you find yourself in Subway at lunchtime being chatted up by a teenager from Madras, walk away!
Save money this Valentine's Day by being unlovable
— Sorrow-scopes (@Sorrowscopes) February 12, 2020
The one who recently had a bad break up
No one wants to be dumped right before the day for celebrating love and it is highly inconvenient that the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are statistically a very common time of year for break-ups. This person is likely stalking their ex on Insta for most of the day and dies a little inside when they accidentally double tap a post from 2017.
Their supportive friends get them through the day and ensure that instead of messaging their old flame they find themselves on Ecoeats ordering an indulgent burger (or two) from Blackhorn to fill the void.
The one fighting with their s/o
This couple clearly need to spend some time apart; he can’t stand the sound of her voice, she hates the way he eats with his mouth open – the relationship has run its course. However, since it is just cruel to break up anywhere in the region of February 14th they have to grin and bear each other for the next few days before doing the deed.
This really isn’t pleasant for the rest of us to listen to especially if you’re trying to enjoy your posh meal in The Rav with your beau, at least it makes you feel like your relationship is going swimmingly.
The one who hates February 14th with a passion
Commonly known as the “anti-Valentine”, this person is the more extreme version of the “singles awareness day” activist and despises ANYTHING remotely Valentine’s Day related. You all know you need to steer clear of the topic or you will start an angry monologue about how the holiday was created by Hallmark.
Catch this person telling everyone who will listen that the holiday is really just fuelling consumerism as they wait in the queue for Pret or Costa.
The one who really isn’t bothered
This person doesn’t attach any sentiment to the day, they just can’t wait for all the discount chocolate they can buy on the 15th. Some will help you get ready and take cute pictures of you and your partner and then continue their evening as normal, totally unfazed.
This person doesn’t take the holiday too seriously, so you’d better hope they don’t ruin your romantic dinner date at Forgan’s with a prank inspired by Jennifer Garner in ‘Valentine’s Day’.
Can't wait for Valentines Day. I'm gonna run into as many restaurants as I can shouting "Knew I'd find you here! You bastard" then run out.
— Ruthe Phoenix (@RuthePhoenix) January 24, 2015
The hopeless romantic
All this person wants is to be Julia Roberts in Notting Hill with their very own young Hugh Grant, is that too much to ask? They dream of a Valentine’s Day where they are bought with flowers a box of chocolates and believe the key to happiness is love.
They can be spotted scouting out the clientele in Topping hoping to bump into a cute stranger who offers to buy them a coffee.