St Andrews Management student suspended for doing a line during online tutorial

It’s only been a few days back in online classes but already one student has taken it too far.

An anonymous student source from Management disclosed that a student has been suspended for snorting a line of coke in an online class. We found the student, whose real name is Thomas, and asked him what the hell he was thinking snorting coke at 9AM.

Thomas told The Tab St Andrews, “basically I didn’t really want to go to the class anyway but I got an academic alert and I’d get kicked out if I didn’t sit through one. So I figured if I had to sit through a stupid fucking class on Teams, I should at least liven it up a bit. I don’t really give a fuck that they saw me. I’m actually a Libertarian so technically fuck the feds.”

This was not the student’s first class misconduct offence. Thomas has previously received a warning for arriving to tutorials late and drunk after heavy nights of drinking. Although all previous class misconducts were erased as St Andrews went online, it appears old habits die hard for this student.

On Monday morning during a 10am Art History class Thomas was seen mixing cocktails in his conservatory. This served has his first warning and after firm words from the tutor was allowed to continue the class.

The student’s second warning came during a 12pm Film Studies tutorial where it was evident Thomas had been decorating his conservatory in a topical theme and was distracted by creating playlists of club classics.

The final offence occurred in a 4pm English tutorial where Thomas disrupted the online class with a solo party in his conservatory. Sources say the party consisted of Smith playing drinking games alone, dancing with his dog and a moving rendition of “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)”.

The final straw for Thomas was when he was seen taking a line of cocaine in his Management online seminar. He has now been suspended for at least four weeks pending a full investigation.

We have not yet received comment from the University, but from the bottom of our hearts we thank Thomas for this service.

If you’re worried about this rampant drug taking, there’s no need to worry: just look at today’s date.

Happy April Fools xoxo