These are all the people you’ll meet during group projects
… or hopefully not
It's universally recognised: group projects are the devil. Your grades — and often your sanity — are pushed to the limit by a selection of people who are sure to work in the entirely opposite way to you. Lecturers tell you it's all in the name of “character-building” and that it will “provide you with invaluable experience for the working world”, but let’s face it, presentations are traumatic enough without the added stress.
So next time you get to delight in the experience of a group project, anticipate meeting any one of these wonderful “team players”. Though, for your sake, let’s hope it’s not all at once.
If the Dictator is interested in a topic, you better hope that you are too, because if you’re not, you’re going to have to be. Your presentation subject and role will be decided for you long before your teacher has even divided the class into groups, and they will absolutely not take “no” for an answer.
This person is ready to get started on a week 8 presentation in week 2 because they just like to be “organised”. They are the one who adds everyone to the Facebook group chat and uses a mixture of positive reinforcement, friendly criticism and meticulous attention to detail to make that presentation perfect five weeks before you have to deliver it.
This person’s unhealthy obsession with memes is more inspiring to them than anything remotely intellectually stimulating that would be, you know… actually useful. The sad truth is that, in order to save your group’s overall grade, you’ll not only be making their powerpoint slides but also be constructing at least half of the presentation they were too #chill to write.
The Negative Nancy
Anything to propose? Any topic suggestion? Even the slightest idea? Before you’ve even opened your mouth, you better be sure that this person is going to hate it. But know that the only thing they have to offer is passive aggression, don’t expect them to have anything actually constructive to say. Then when you've done it all for them they'll say, "eurgh we're probably going to get an 11."
This cuh-razy cat is determined that they have the intellectual capacity to construct and deliver a convincing presentation with one night’s worth of work. You’ll be slaving over it for weeks, telling yourself that their performance will demonstrate their lack of commitment… and well, as fate would have it, it often doesn’t. Sorry.
The One that just doesn't show up
Why actually turn up to meetings when you could just, you know… not? Genius.