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Things I’ve genuinely heard St Andrews students say

‘How am I supposed to get a table of 10 people? I don’t have 10 friends.’

We all know our university bubble is unique. It can be a bit pretentious, a bit tragic, but it's mostly the 'best four years ever'. However, our university is known for some cracking one-liners. Here are the best and brightest lines heard from The Tab team around the town.


"Can I have a pablo?" – 11AM on a Tuesday morning

Person A: "I really fancy this guy."

Person B: "That's my academic brother and I slept with him after Raisin in first year."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, why can’t my dad just buy us a house?"


"I just joined water polo to get a sinners band, I don't even like swimming."

"Should I get a fake Canada Goose? Or is that tragic?"

"Do you think that's cocaine or highlighter on the mirror?"

"Do you think my landlord would mind if I bought my pet labradoodle for a holiday?"


"It’s such a shame Tesco aren’t selling proper pomegranate anymore. I wish it was in season."

"Oh, I won't shop here. I get an M and S gift card from my parents to buy all my food."

"Do you think 20p spaghetti is safe to eat?"

"I'll get the ready-chopped onions because cutting them yourself isn't middle-class."

"How am I supposed to get a table of 10 people? I don't have 10 friends."


"To be honest I just come here to look at boys because I do English."

"I like to watch people in the mirror; it makes me feel like I'm on Big Brother."

"Why is this place so incestuous?"

"Sometimes I go to the gym before sinners to pretend I actually do a sport."