The definitive banter rating of restaurants in St Andrews

The Lad Bible originally produced a banter rating of restaurants, but as ever we’re limited with chain options in St Andrews. Ever wondered where you can take the lads in our wee tartan toon? Look no further.

Figure 1: The OG

Nando’s

A cheeky nandos calls for a cheeky selfie to prove the cheekiness value

The top of any banter rating chart, any branch of this popular Portugese chain offers a God-like banter unparalled by any eating establishment worldwide. The banter is as bottomless as it’s soft drink and frozen yoghurt machine. ‘Cheeky as heck’ as the original literature (see figure 1) describes it, anyone can have quality banter here with their lads. It is the reference point from which every other restaurant is compared to and what they should be aiming towards.

Banter rating: 10/10

The Vic

As depressing outside as the wait for a burger

The décor’s pretty edgy, we appreciate the 2-4-1 burgers but once you’ve inevitably waited 3 hours for them the banter runs pretty dry and is simply replaced by desperate hunger. It’s also hard to understand what they have against regular plates. Eating off irregular plates is also much harder to do when they turn the lights off halfway through your dinner even though clearly no one (not even the lads) is ready to go clubbing yet.

Banter rating: 5/10

Taste

They do all this but not skimmed milk

It is a truth universally acknowledged that you cannot have any banter if you’re vegan.

Banter rating: 1/10

North Point

Kate and Will’s enjoyed the all drinks are £1.60 deal too!

Class bants, complete with one of the most bangin playlists in St Andrews and famous ba-nter-gels and pan-ter-cakes but the banter, while of a high standard, is hard to obtain as it is near on impossible to get a table and sometimes they overcook the ba-nter-con.

Banter rating: 6/10

Rascals

You clogged up my arteries, ya wee rascal

With the arrival of competitive newcomers such as ‘Blackhorn’ and ‘Burger’, it takes major lad points to retain the title of “banterfullest burger in the bubble”, but Rascals continue to outdo themselves on their incredible food and the ability of giving you a higher chance at coronary heart disease after eating there. You and the lads can even get unlimited free pool with a rascal’s card, just to make it extra cheeky.

Banter rating: 9.5/10

The Adamson

I guess there is a bit of “I’m drinking from a conical flask” banter

They may have been voted Scottish restaurant of the year, but unfortunately banter ratings weren’t on the assessed criteria. Damnit, there’s nothing cheeky about côte de boeuf or salmon gravadlax and nor will there ever be. It’s more of a banter with the KK or banties with the posh twats than banter with the lads territory.

Banter rating: 1/10

Forgan’s

What great banterful value

I mean, it’s no “quarter chicken, medium spice, peri chips and corn on the cob” but if you want good food and edgy Scottish vibes for the wallet of your visiting family there’s really no place I’d rather be. There’s always room for a few cheeky cocktails and a bit of banter at the free ceilidh.

Banter rating: 8/10

The restaurant at the Premier Inn

God-like banter, rivals nandos (although not as cheeky), more like “why the f*** are we in the restaurant at the premier inn” kind of vibe. I mean, if you’re gonna make the trek to Aldi, you might as well make a day of it.

Banter rating: 9/10