Diary of an Overly Keen Fresher

9:00 : Throat sore and head pounding from the Vic’s karaoke night, you drag yourself out of bed and into the shower. Some quick bonding with your hallmates over breakfast is all you have time for before the first event of the day.

10:00 : You’re young, right? And European? Attending the Young European Movement’s opening brunch made sense when you put it that way. You attempt to network with fellow internationals as you nurse your hangover.

11:00 : Brunch gives you just enough energy to run over to the Union for the Volunteering Fayre. You explained to your parents that you’d be devoting yourself to charity this year, in lieu of getting a part time job. I can also take up hiking, you think as you sign up for next summer’s charity mountain climb.

12:15 : By the time you make it over to South Street, the History Society Garden Party is underway. You guzzle down some Pimms and surreptitiously check your schedule to see what’s next.

13:10 : Fine Food & Dining Society’s food tour of St Andrews is departing from the Westport Arch. You arrive panting and drenched in sweat, having just ducked into Solid Rock’s free lunch bar to grab a sandwich on your way over. When the tour eventually makes it to North Street, you realise you missed the Gilbert & Sullivan Society’s event at the Barron Theatre.

14:20 : You duck out of the tour a few minutes early to make it to Hongpao Society’s tea party, only to learn that this, too, had been at 13:00. Stomach growling after seeing all that delicious food on the tour, you head to Castle Sands for STASH’s marshmallow BBQ.

14:45 : Eating a full bag of marshmallows might have been a mistake. You hurry over to Zest for Yorkshire Society’s tea party, reasoning that eating something of substance will reduce your queasiness.

15:00 : Bollocks, Shimmy Soc’s give-it-a-go day started a half hour ago. You quietly excuse yourself from tea and sprint to the Union rehearsal room, where you awkwardly insert yourself into the group of spirited bellydancers.

15:44 : On the brink of collapse, you stumble from the Union to Cockshaugh Park, where the African Caribbean Society is hosting a welcoming BBQ. You’re still stuffed from tea and marshmallows, but you manage to force down a piece of chicken.

16:15 : You arrive nearly an hour late at West Sands for Ultimate Frisbee’s beach session, only to find that they’ve got a BBQ, too. You gingerly accept a hotdog.

17:00 : You’re an hour late to Geological Society’s welcoming event, which, as luck would have it, is also a BBQ. You take a look at the bevy of burgers and wonder if you’ll ever be able to eat at Blackhorn again.

17:45 : The Vic has been bombarding your newsfeed with events, so you finally relent and attend their shopping / drinking hybrid that promises student-friendly deals. You go and spend what little remains of your budget for this week.

18:30 : Your nap at Rector’s is interrupted by STAR Radio’s Live Lounge event.

19:00 : Japan Society is having a Pub Quiz and your roommate is dead set on going. You sleepily dominate in the general knowledge round, but have to leave midway through to make it to the Brewing Company for WildSoc’s first social.

20:00 : Islamic Society, Breakaway Society, and the Christian Union are having bonfires on the beach. Debating Society is having a debate. Physics Society, PsychSoc, and Gilbert & Sullivan Society are having pub crawls. Then there’s Union J in Club 601. You down your glass of cider and exit the BrewCo.

20:10 : You finally find your Starfields wristband underneath your bed. You’re two hours late, but you’re sure you can make it in time for Klingande.

24:30 : Drunk and half-deaf, you collapse into bed. Before you can slip into the sweet oblivion of sleep, you make sure to set your alarm for the next day: AstroSoc is having a BBQ in the morning.