One Night Stand: Neighbours

When good neighbours become more than friends.

1.) Please give the date a 1-10 ranking:

Pat: 9.2

Patel: Emma: 8; Drew: 7

2.) How was your performance?

Pat: Pretty good I think. All was going well until we discovered that the girls lived directly above me in our building – it turns out that we’re not ideal neighbours…

Patel: It turns out I knew Drew so hopefully I wasn’t that awkward. I had been a last-minute and terrible academic dad for her, so my heart did initially sink when I saw her. It was fine though. I hope it was fine. Pat seemed to be pining for Drew throughout the date – he made some bold claims about her affection for him. Apparently she wouldn’t stop looking at him. I would have liked to sway Emma with my charm, but I’m a bit rusty in that regard unfortunately. Lovely girl. Not the dripper Pat thought she was.

3.) What actually happened at the date?

Pat: Patel and I arrived in good time. We worried about being stood up so we ordered some drinks to pass the time and sat in silent anticipation. The girls arrived ‘fashionably’ late and we stood to greet them as they approached us. We immediately discovered that the date wasn’t quite blind: Drew was Patel’s academic daughter! The girls had lots to tell me as their downstairs neighbour and I had lots to apologise for on this front. For future parties, I promised to keep the volume under 85 dB and to extend a warm invitation upstairs. The food was Michelin grade, especially the cheese board – normally in St Andrews these smell worse than Patel’s sweaty feet. Once the glasses dried, we hit up Tesco for vino and all went back to mine. We sat on the sofas with a record spinning, the night receded into a sweet and happy haze.

Patel: A lot of the conversation was about the parties Pat throws at his house (turns out Pat and the girls are neighbours). They hated him, which got us off to an awkward start. For my starter I ordered mushrooms with poached egg and hollandaise. For main I ordered a delicious seafood linguine – delectable king prawns. For desert, I got a crème caramel. It was probably the best I’ve ever had. I’m a heavyweight so takes a lot to get me drunk lol. But I was at a socially acceptable level of intoxication. After the meal we went back to theirs to inspect their flat via Tesco for a cheeky bottle. The mood was just right, and things moving in the right direction when one of our friends turned up drunk with a courtyard in hand. It’s safe to say he ruined everything. He lulled both girls into a false of security, and fed them his hot mush.

4.) Are you going to see these people again?

Pat: Considering the fact that we live in the same building, yes! But we also made plans to have dinner in the future. The girls claim their curry can outshine ours…

Patel: Most probably yes, if they can get over their hatred for Pat’s horridly loud music. Bold claims were made as to the curry-making abilities of the girls, so it will be interesting to meet up again.

5.) Would you go on a blind date again?

Patel: Benefits are meeting new people (well, one at least lol). Drawback was when the girls wouldn’t let us come to their friends.

Pat: Yeah, I’d be down. This was my second blind date this week so I think I’m getting good at this. I was afraid that we wouldn’t have anything to talk about, but this was far from the truth!