Why it’s okay to be rude

I want you to picture the last great meal you shared with friends. A hungover brunch, a potluck, or even a drunken Dervish pizza. Fast forward to the end of that meal, the last slice, the last pancake, the last bite of cheesecake. You want it. You glance at your fellow diners, scoping out the competition. Nobody makes a move. Your stomach tells you to take it. You try, but you just can’t. Your brain, in its typical killjoy fashion, won’t let you. You’re forced to offer it to everyone else and, nine times out of ten, you lose it.

You may be thinking “but it’s only polite, if I indulge a selfish desire such as this in public people will see me as the barbarian that I truly am”. Who do you think you’re kidding?! Everyone at that table knew that you really wanted that last morsel. You’re essentially lying to their faces when you say “oh no, I don’t mind, you have it, seriously”. Why is this kind of glaringly obvious lie considered to be more polite than an honest “shotgun that last chip”?

This kind of “politeness” winds me up to no end. So many of us believe that having good manners means not expressing any emotion/desire other than extreme indifference in public; that it’s rude to ask for something to be done the way you want it, or that disapproval should only be communicated indirectly. Yet it’s this apathy that causes so many of the things we moan about on a daily basis. How do you expect people to know what you want if you don’t tell them? And why should you feel pressured into doing something you’re not keen to do because you’re afraid that people will think you’re rude? I mean how dare you do something that makes you happy?

I’m not saying we should abandon all forms of politeness; a lack of basic courtesy is just rude. But this whole “feeling guilty for what you want/don’t want” needs to stop. I think people should just say how they honestly feel, with a smile on their faces, rather than keeping quiet, sulking a wee bit, then bitching about it later. If that’s what you’re doing, whether it’s obvious or not, you’re not being polite at all. You’re making yourself feel bad and you’re making other people feel guilty for making you do something you don’t want to do. There’s no point in politeness if it’s not genuine.

So next time everyone is going to some event but you would rather stay in with Netflix and wine, just say so. If you actually do have a preference on what you cook for dinner, say so. If you’re not happy with your haircut, say so. If you want that slice of pizza, offer to share it, don’t just give it up. Just say you’re sorry, but you’re not sorry, and make your day a little bit better.