Amy Chubb: St Andrews housing aka. The Hunger Games

January. “New year, new me” attitudes plastered across the faces of the determined masses flooding into the gym every evening. Kale juice at Zest selling out on the daily. Everyone generally feeling perky and chipper and downright good about themselves because it’s 2015 and it’s got to be better than 2014, right? And then, as February hits, the silent killer arrives. The silent killer that will result in hundreds of sleep-deprived students sobbing their eyes out on Bell Street, with pizza sales reaching record highs and the likelihood of the entire town imploding seeming to be a real possibility. It is, of course, flat-hunting season.

Housing in St Andrews is a genuine issue and, despite having avoided the painful fight-to-the-death style mania of this year (#BellStreet2015), I really do feel for all of you out there still desperately searching. And so for this reason I have compiled a few tips for you brave warriors scratching on the windows of letting agents this week, and may the odds be ever in your favour.

1.   Apply for halls – Okay, so you probably don’t want to be that second year who ends up back in halls because it doesn’t seem as cool as having a flat, but I have so many friends who did this and I’m pretty sure they haven’t turned into hermits. Plus – PEOPLE CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HEATING.

2.   Consider Dundee/Cupar/anywhere apart from St Andrews – Again, probably not your ideal location if you don’t have a car, but the rent is about a third of what it is here and the house will be about three times as nice. Consider it.

3.   Lower your expectations – Honestly, you are not going to get that six bed glam-pad on Market Street for £70 a week with a maid/Jacuzzi bath/wine cellar because it doesn’t exist. I’m sorry.

4.   Remain calm – Yes, it’s stressful. Yes, you may hate each other by the end of the process. But take comfort knowing that I’m pretty sure no one has been forced to pitch a tent on East Sands yet, so you’ll probably end up finding somewhere. May the force be with you.

Photo credit: Jacob Arnould.

P.S. This article is specifically written in response to the stampede that just occurred outside my flat.