Carla Jenkins: What’s wrong with you people?!

Not everyone has forgotten to wear their glasses.


We’ve all been there. You’re walking down Market Street with your headphones in, and your scarf wrapped tight. All is well; the sun is probably not shining, but it never is so that’s alright. You’re having a great time on the way to the library.

Then BAM! You look up. It’s the tutor you promised you’d email that day and didn’t. Or it’s the ex-best friend that you promised you’d live with and didn’t. Or it’s just the ex you said you loved and didn’t (cue Gabrielle Aplin…). Either way, it’s probably going to be the most awkward encounter of your life. Imagine it: Butts Wynd with its narrow white walls, and the silver beer kegs protruding out the side of The Keys (eliminating the little shuffle space that did exist). And to complete the image, the glaring light of the passage behind is making you look like some sort of discombobulated ghost.

What do you do? There are two choices: pull out your headphones, slap on a smile and greet them like the ultimate loon that you are. Or simply turn up your music and stare at the ground, becoming steadily more engrossed at your muddy boots or your fraying laces as you glide past.

Now to me, this is ok. I completely understand this. Why would you want to put yourself through what is probably going to be one of the most awkward encounters of your life, when there is no need? Anyone would do the same. I would argue that it is only the crème-de-la-crème of social situations who would be able to execute a perfect ‘hi’ and move on – the sort of hi that indicates no further conversation, yet isn’t cold enough to make you recoil in horror and binge on Netflix and tears for the next three weeks. I completely sympathise with anyone in this situation. The following, my dear readers, is what I don’t understand at all.

The same walk down Market Street, with the same headphones in, and the same scarf wrapped tightly around your neck. You look up and BAM! It’s the girl you had the greatest heart to heart with the night before, bearing all of your deepest, darkest secrets to a supposed new found friend. Or it’s the guy you had a fantastic night with, exploring every crevasse and fold of each other’s bodies. Or, hell, it’s someone you shared a kitchen or flat with in halls the previous year, under the impression that kitchen orders and grimy pans were the basis for a wholly amicable acquaintance.

This time you take your headphones out, arm poised to wave, so sure that they’ll stop and have a conversation, or even give a polite nod… until they breeze past you, eyes fixed straight ahead, seemingly unaware that they were born with the gift of periphery vision at all.

Now I know that for many of you, there is a simple answer: you don’t have your glasses on. That’s fine. But for the rest of you there’s no excuse. I mean, come on people, can’t you see why this isn’t ok? It’s not like it’s hard to spare a wave! It doesn’t even have to be a wave: a nod, a wink, a small scrunched up face of acknowledgement that almost makes you look constipated. I’ll take anything! And what’s worse is when people don’t say hi because they’re afraid the receiver won’t say hi back.

What I’m trying to say is this: we are adults now, and manners aren’t expensive – in fact, they’re free! This is a call for a social realization. A call for a St. Andrews where people walk gaily, dishing out ‘hellos’ ‘good-mornings’ and ‘tatty-byes’ without fear. A call for a happier St. Andrews than the one we are living in now. Please people – oblige me this, and wave to your significant awkward other. I bet you it will make their day.