Patrick Leigh-Pemberton: On the motivation poster

We all have deadlines. Or some of us do. Which means that during the past couple of weeks we have all spent a lot of time on the internet; and I am ashamed, but hopefully not alone, in admitting that I have not spent all of it on Jstor.

Instead, I have been procrastinating (seeking mental calm) by exploring the internet and its opinions. I didn’t find mental calm. I have, however, learnt some astonishing things through this trawling, and I have also observed a very interesting phenomenon: the motivational poster has invaded the Internet.

I am sure that you, as someone who never ventures beyond Jstor or the Stand (just how it should be), have probably been saved this awful overexposure. But let me tell you, they have arrived in numbers, and I don’t think we can hold them back. These trite little sentences, these pithy philosophies, have arrived in waves so massive that not even Ukip could exaggerate them.

When in physical format, scrawled on a wall, or written on a pub sign (irony- get it), they were sort of okay. The real ones, complete with awe inspiring pictures of a dolphin jumping a cliff to save a drowning puppy, or some other kitsch rubbish, were always such a healthy source of comedy that I never really had to explore just how mind-numbingly pointless they really were.

Image courtesy See Wah

But now they don’t even come with that decent eyecandy to distract you from the utter twaddle that they peddle. Instead, they appear on social media feeds in rainbow coloured, swirly fonts, urging us to “treat every day like its your last” or accept that “only those that dream can really achieve”. And I am sick to death of them. I really am.

They really achieve nothing at all. I want to go back to that simple, halcyon era – a time when social media feeds were an area of complex holiday/employment /relationship/photoshop one-upmanship. When everyone was living their perfect life on virtual platforms. (Actually, I want to go back to that simple, halcyon era when social media feeds were supper parties for journalists, but that is probably too much to ask ). I don’t want to have pointless thoughts that nobody has ever managed to carry into action inflicted upon me everyday.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a positive person with a positive mindset; but I don’t need the frankly patronising advise of a jpeg that looks like it was drawn by a five year old on a teatowel suggesting ways to increase my positivity. To increase my positivity I read a good book, or I talk about a good book with someone who knows more about good books than me. Or I have a cup of tea. Or I go bungeejumping (I don’t, but it sounds fun, and makes me look cool if I just throw it into the article haphazardly).

My life experience, as incomplete at it is, has taught me how to increase my positivity, and some idiot without an ounce of originality copying and pasting a pastel coloured slice of drivel directly into my life has not. Make them stop.