Freshers: The case for ending your long-distance relationship

But what if I love him? It’s different then, right? Maybe not.


So, I’m in a long-distance relationship. Kind of. You see, I don’t believe in long-distance relationships while in The Bubble. And it is with reluctance that I enter my third year at St Andrews tangled in a summer fling with potential, or a long-distance relationship. Okay, it is an open relationship. I just can’t have a long-distance relationship going into Freshers week, and you shouldn’t either.

Here’s why.

Alcohol = Drunk = 3am = New People = You Deserve Freedom

Self-explanatory.

Freedom

College is the time to be free, to be whoever you think you are. It is the time to try on different outfits, personas, and drinking habits until you find one that you are most comfortable with. It is the time to be flexible and open minded. And you need to be free to do so; to let go a little bit of your past and let in the future. Our minds aren’t permanently formed until 25 for women and 30 for men, so there is a lot of time left to grow. You should be free to do so independently and without restraint.

Living in the moment

Life is about living in the moment. It is a lot harder to do that when you are constantly messaging your significant other or thinking, ‘What would my boyfriend/girlfriend think about this?’

But what if I love him? It’s different then, right? The answer to that question is, kind of. Is it the kind of love that makes you want to have sex every fifteen minutes, or the kind of love where you’ve already discussed moving to Hawaii together and having three boys?

Here are three case studies of typical long distance relationships at St Andrews:

Case Study #1

Michael and girlfriend Mary have dated for two years. They graduate high school and go to separate universities, but stay in a monogamous, committed relationship. During Freshers week Michael stays in to Skype Mary and misses out on meeting new people, a trend that continues for the rest of the year. He goes home to Mary. She tells him that she made a mistake, and cheated on him at University. He is furious, and regrets those nights spent Skyping Mary instead of going out and having fun.

Case Study #2

Larry dates girlfriend Fiona for a year. They graduate high school and go to separate universities, but stay in an ‘everything but sex’ open – but committed – relationship. Larry and Fiona Skype during Freshers week. She says, ‘go out and have fun,’ and they both do. They hook up with other people, but don’t have sex and continue to Skype regularly. Then Larry meets Jennifer and she is perfect. He tries to pretend it’s just physical, but that doesn’t last long. Larry goes home during break and ends it with Fiona. Unfortunately by the time he returns to school, Jennifer has already found someone else…someone single.

Case Study #3

Beth and boyfriend David have been together for a year when they start at universities at opposite sides of the world. They remain in a monogamous, committed relationship, as they have already discussed moving in together after college as well as the names of their future children. Beth goes out and meets interesting people, but none of them interest her as much as David. They both come home from school and spend every moment together. She books her ticket to visit him for spring break, and meets all of his friends. He visits her, and meets all of her friends. They are now celebrating their third anniversary.

I asked Beth – a real student at St. Andrews – if she had any advice for a person just beginning a long-distance relationship:

‘Make sure to invest yourself as much as possible in the place where you are. Don’t live a half life just because you are in a relationship. If you are with the right person, they will want you to be as happy as possible. And if you ever feel sad about how long you have to wait to see them, just remember that this phase is a small blip in a lifetime of happiness together.’

And masturbate.

Just like Beth said, you should do what makes you happy. College is the one time you can be truly selfish, do everything you want, and explore. If having a long distance relationship is going to restrain you, then you should definitely break up.