The case for chivalry

Is it that hard to hold out a chair for your date? Or even hold the door open? Offering to pay for the first date, or picking up the bill after dinner?

The simple answer is no, it isn’t hard at all – but it’s rare to see someone pulling out the chair for his date these days. Mainly because you’re normally too nervous on your first date to pull out said chair. You fear an adrenaline-induced burst of Hulk-like strength will result in you flinging the chair across the restaurant, narrowly missing your date’s head.

Yeah, that’s probably it.

A note on the word chivalry, a word that has had its definition obscured from its true meaning over the years. “Chivalry” comes from the French word chevalerie, meaning horse soldiery. This, of course, takes us back to oldy times, back when King Arthur was in charge. The word dates back to the code of honour and ethics displayed amongst knights and nobles in the mediaeval period. A kind of upper-class bushido except in Europe, with lances rather than samurai swords, and certainly with a lot less harikiri.

The first definition of chivalry really has nothing to do with treating women well, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a trait that we as men, or even people, should strive to display. Oxford Dictionary describes it as: “the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, namely courage, honour, courtesy, justice and a readiness to help the weak.”

Courage. Honour. Courtesy. Justice. A readiness to help the weak. Are these not qualities that, if lived by, would drastically ameliorate our quality of life? Not just the men, but women too. I mean, Lady Brienne of Tarth is a pretty chivalrous – albeit fictional – role model.

So it stands that the case for chivalry isn’t the battle cry of women who think men are misogynists, nor is it an ancient way of treating women. Rather, the case for being a chivalrous individual is the case for being an exemplary human being. Be brave, be courteous, and help those who can’t help themselves.

The second definition of the word pertains to courteous behaviour, generally from a man to a woman. Chivalry isn’t dead, trust me, but maybe it isn’t what you define it as. Maybe it’s right in front of you and you cannot see it. It can come from someone having the courage to do what’s right, someone being a Good Samaritan, or even just having a strong sense of justice.

But ladies, what would you rather? A guy who holds the door open? Someone who pays for dinner and pulls your chair out? Or someone who portrays all the traits of one of the knights of the round freaking table!? I know who I would choose.